This comment is even better when read in William Shatner's voice.

In Japan he's better known as "Beat" Takeshi and regularly appears on TV wearing a wig similar to the hairstyle of Moe from the Three Stooges, making groan-worthy puns and hitting people over the head with an oversize plastic mallet.

Nah, disc rot only affects discs that people want to preserve. Come the apocalypse, those AOL trial CDs will be the only thing left besides cockroaches and the heartier of the rats.

I'M SEEING DOUBLE HERE! FOUR JOSE PETERSONS!

Understatement of the year.

Like Noel I drank Coca-cola all the time as a kid, but once I got to high school I made the switch to black coffee and gave it up completely for years. Then I visited Thailand, where the food is exceptional but the coffee that's served everywhere is so sickly sweet that I switched to Coke for the rest of my stay…

I wonder how many times he can tweet "overrated" and "sad" before he has an incapacitating stroke or something worse?

That's Our Mohd!

Works On Contingency? No, Money Down!

So, what you're saying is they should cancel the Oscars not because of Trump's Muslim ban, but because you happen to hate the musical intros?

Here's hoping.

Nah, I'm just here for the free beer and pizza.

Helluva lot better than seeing these tiresome comments on every single article that's even remotely Trump-related.

When I first read the headline, I took it as meaning Stewart was in the middle of a routine on The Late Show but was interrupted and forced to "read out Trump's next batch of executive orders". I quickly realized I was mistaken, but the way things have been going lately it wouldn't have surprised me had that been…

Are they going to be suspended over huge tanks of water, so when the decision is made the "loser" can be dunked?

Just comma down, okay?

I see you've played "Period/Exclamation Point" before.

Dean Thomas:

It's frightening in the dark?

Even when it's not a Sunday morning?