Calling it now; if the shooter is non-white Trump will tweet about it within 24 hours. If the shooter is white he won’t tweet at all.

I don’t think it’s birth control, I just think everyone’s sex drive has evaporated, for obvious reasons.

And of course there is a lovely little statue in Paddington Station in London.

Jesus fucking christ.

Why does someone like David Bowie die in their 60s and KFC gobbling fat fuck Donald get 10 more years on him?

I can’t bring myself to watch the video. I’m already cringing too much.

Don’t fight over men period. If you have to fight for him (or if he makes you) he’s just not that into you. The same goes for the reverse.

I think we should try and get Steward Rhodes’ best estimate at how many people attended and then double it.........

At least they found Waldo.

Considering what a dickhead this guy seems like, I’d say he’s aptly named.

You need a toe? Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o’clock this afternoon.... With nail polish.

Don’t have curly hair but a couple of months ago (after getting dumped by someone I really liked), as I was watching a bunch of Youtube videos and getting shitfaced, I came across this video and thought to myself, “Hey, I should cut my own bangs!”

Is there a single picture of McConell where he doesn’t look like a geriatric sea-turtle struggling to hold in a fart?

“Doing great until this hole.”

My first instinct is if you have trouble sitting next to a woman it’s not the 81 year old woman who has to move, it’s you. Even if the woman isn’t 81, you’re the one who still has to move.

Can we just play through this Presidency?

Hey, how about HE can move if he doesn’t want to sit there? For fuck’s sake.

How soon till double dutch comes back as the next hipster workout craze?

YOU TAKE THAT BACK ABOUT MICHAEL CAINE

The fucking British Royalty has been known to travel commercial when they’re not working, ffs. But no, he’s bigger than Prince William? Sure.