Not ALL ghost pimps.

I once had a PUA-adherent try to pick me up and when I neg-ed his neg and pointed out that I was literally already fucking one of the band members at the concert we were both at (which was true) and that even if I wasn't, his technique would literally never work, he started drunk crying and telling me how I don’t know…

This story would’ve made the cut if it had been e-mailed to me.

A yuppie and his date came into the bar. It was obviously early in the relationship and he was obviously showing her how urbane he was.

Noooooooo. Charlotte is an old family name that I love and now if I ever have a daughter and name her that people will think it’s after this little squirt. I will be irrationally upset for at least the next three minutes.

I’ve had a Carolina Dog for about 8 years... They are incredibly intelligent, athletic, flexible, easy to train and tend to be free of genetic issues that most domesticated breeds suffer from. Their behavior is more wild/feral, so they don’t automatically trust strangers. That trust needs to be earned over the course…

My daughter has one. By far the most affectionate dog I’ve ever encountered.

No. He can never have children. Ever. In fact, as a result of this entire situation, Sofia Vegara now gets to castrate him and eat his testicles on a special episode of “Modern Family”

If she has children with Joe Magniello, we won’t be able to look directly at them. Like the sun.

Randy Boehning.

Not my cake, but I make cakes as a wee little side thing. Some friends asked for Minions on their wedding cake, and who am I to say no? Due to a squeaky new puppy that entered my life earlier in the week I ended up having to sculpt both of them the night before the wedding and never actually went to bed. The couple…

Hubby and I are big D&D geeks, so we had a dragon-themed affair. It was a golden cupcake thing and two dragons guarding their ‘hoard’. Used two of our colossal miniatures that we had at home as cake toppers, and a sword letter opener (found Game of Thrones’ Ice at Chapters for $16) embedded in one cupcake as a…

Saw this masterpiece on pinterest (dangerous), and we’re going to recreate it.

The latest mailing I got from the NLA says that lightsabers are fine and that the only way to stop a bad guy with a lightsaber is a good guy with a lightsaber.

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Iiiiiittt’ssssss....Monty Python’s Flying Circusssss!

#notalljuggalos

I don’t get this either. I’m not sacrificing a fourth of my potential sexy times to my damn period! To Jezzies who are curious: try Soft Cups from Walgreen’s or CVS, they’re like diva cups you can have sex with, way less mess.

One time I ordered a 4-piece McNuggets and was given a 4-piece McNugget box filled to the brim with tartar sauce.

MOAR RANCH DRESSING, SLAVE!!!!