A world where we can't make fun of over the top, themed, pretentious weddings is a world I don't want to live in.

I bunch up my jacket or sweater and shove it in the crack between the wall and my seat (window seats 4EVA!) to make a pillow, put on my headphones, and I am asleep in minutes. My superpower is that I can sleep anywhere...but in bed.

I believe bald eagles mostly eat fish, so maybe this one filled up on sashimi already and was not hungry enough to try some squirrely mammalian for dessert?

Ha! Yes.

I'm wondering if the funniest/saddest part of these profiles is that these guys are literally too dumb to lie. Not that I advocate lying on dating sites - HAHAHA DO NOT LIE ON DATING SITES, but dude, seriously? Like that job application/personality test you took as a teenager to work at the local food mart that…

*faints*

And your research to back that up is...?

ALTHOUGH...this would have been a PERFECT ARTICLE for this reference.

Harry Potter AND Up references in the SAME ARTICLE? This is why I love you.

You are awesome. I do stuff like this all the time. I WILL NEVER DO/TRY/WATCH X-Y-Z BECAUSE I DO NOT CONFORM TO THE HIPPIE/GEEKY MASSES! And then I do/try/watch XYZ and I love it and OHHH THE SHAME at my previous stance. *hangs head*

Awww, I like chia seeds! Also, bubble tea! Maybe I'm weird. Maybe I should...try kombucha?

Ha! This is hilarious. I mean, creepy for the horses, but still...hilarious.

You seem upset. Would you like to see an amusing picture of my dog?

THANK YOU FOR TELLING US WHAT WE SHOULD GET UPSET ABOUT. I'LL STOP WORRYING MY PRETTY LITTLE HEAD ABOUT IT AND GO BACK TO MAKING YOU A SAMMICH NOW.

Oh noes! WHAT ABOUT THE MENZ????? Poor wittle muffins, not included in this satirical break down of a ridiculous MEN'S MAGAZINE ARTICLE.

Thank god we live in a civil society that has a large and stable population, and not a barbaric small tribe where the death of a few women would severely impact our future breeding population, then. Also, taking a generalization of genetic principles and applying them to very specific situations is ridiculous.

Awwwww, muffin.

Awww, bless.

I wait for the inevitable moment when the people who want to move to the Big City look out of their tiny window or balcony and say "Hmmm, a lot of street noise here." HAHAHAHAA!!! Because they expected song birds and crickets in the city??? Idiots.

It says that I love you, that's for sure.