"Get out of the bathroom. We know what you're doing there!"

It is a great reply. "Where were you?" "I wasn't beating off!" "What are you doing?" "I wasn't beating off!" "What time is it?" "I wasn't beating off!"

Thumbelina?

I'm trying to imagine what it would be like if a black male his age were caught speeding while drunk AND high, then proceeded to curse at the police officer arresting him. The scenario does not end well.

Black woman + white man = all the power to them, honey. Any and all color combos are fabulous by me!

My sister is pregnant with a girl and said the same kind of thing what she had morning sickness, "Only a girl would torture her mother this way." Yay fetal misogyny!

Jez,

I hope he looked like Frank from Shameless

I'll never understand why anyone wanted to have sex with Eddie Cibriani, but apparently there was/is? a queue.

Speaking as someone who didn't want to be molested and wasn't "passed up" she can go die in a fire.

There are two kinds of fourteen-year-olds in this world: One Direction fans, and William H. Macy fans. The line is clearly drawn.

You're not alone. I saw the headline, and thought, "MEDICAL HISTORY! ABORTION WILL BECOME A SACRAMENT! AWESOME!"

No, she is just passed out from the mega orgasm Miley just gave her. See her hair all messy? That's just got off hair. Miley is pouty because it was her turn and this ho fell asleep and is not putting out. Rude.

Yes. Yes I am.

List of things this ad makes me want to do instead of buying Marc Jacobs products:

Isn't that just lemon juice?

No, Kim did NOT photoshop those butt pics. She did, however, manage to bend the physical universe. Such is the power of her butt.

Waiting for Fox News to call the entire nation of Iran "welfare queens"....

Malthus: Wrong 200 years ago, wrong today.

Stop the mothafucking press! Are you telling me that Iran — Iran*, a country ranked #88 on the "Quality of Life Index", compared to the US's #13 — offers nine months of maternity leave and two weeks of paternity leave? But I only got 8 weeks and Mr. Nom had to use vacation, despite working at a fancy research lab when…