This whole story is depressing as a motherfucker. And one particularly depressing facet is the fact that men perceive fellatio as inherently degrading to the fellator. What a way to think about your own junk: as polluting junk.

Also, when he does the cheerleading routine in Dodgeball. Whenever he appears in anything we see, my husband and I both break into "Let me ride that donkey donkey, lemme ride that donkey."

Our goats used to wag their tails when they were drinking from a bottle. Now the primary time I see them wag their tails is when they see me. It has a very pleasant, doggy quality.

The whole "I don't want him to see me in my dress until the actual moment at the altar" thing has always seemed dopey to me. Who gives a shit? It's not going to be any less spectacular a day because he didn't get to gasp and burst into tears when he saw you swanning down the aisle in your meringue confection.

That has been my go-to insult for years.

"She's the Hitler!"

"She's the tits!" I love "tits" or "the tits" as a statement about how great something is.

I know!! Not to be snobby, but this is not an outfit to wear to a meal out of the house!

OH SWEET LORD YES. And since you brought it up, whither Samantha Mathis? I loved her in PUtV, and Li'l Women, and that time River Phoenix died in front of her, and those heart-breaking essays she wrote for Jane magazine about her beautiful mother dying...why she not bigger star?

he latest wild rumor from Warner Bros. search for the new Batman is that fuckingOrlando Bloom could get the part before the first casting call. Also in the running according to some Warner Bros. insiders: Christian Slater's left testicle (the grizzled one with the light dusting of grey pubic hair), a broom, a black…

My embarrassing crush is Jose Padilla. It is 100% based on the one photo of him that I've ever seen, except for this one. Well, and now I've seen this one, which leaves me pretty cold.

You know what they say: the country with too many single young men must create a war to occupy their time.

Um, I laughed, but then, I think a lot of stupid movies are funny. Did you see/like Dodge Ball?

You saw his dance-off in Starsky and Hutch, I presume?

Firstly, ALT can do no wrong. And I always think of Margaret Cho's joke about him visiting Karl Lagerfeld in jail.

I'm not diagnosing, I'm just saying that a particular type of waxy pallor with dark reddish circles around the eyes in my (ED nurse) experience correlates highly with opiate abuse. Just throwin' it out there. First thing that came to my mind when I saw his picture.

I heart Lizzy Caplan, big time. Party Down, yo!

Did anyone else notice that her Vogue spread was crazily over photo-shopped? Especially her womanly thighs? I kept thinking, if you didn't want someone who looked like her in your magazine, why on earth did you put her in your magazine?

That's the true measure of a man.

He wasn't bringing in his pets for treatment of cigarette burns and broken limbs, was he?