Um, in light of Scarlett Johanson's French atrocity, I feel that I must ask: are ugly tattoos now a "thing" among the people who could afford to have Michaelangelo reincarnated from skin cells and taught to tattoo and then forced to tattoo them? Because if shitty, jailhouse-looking tattoos are now au courant, DUDE I…

You have been warned. It's going to be one of those monkey's paw situations, with flesh in strings, an' worms in eyesockets.

I had never been to one, either, until I read this article. Which so inspired me that I ended up dragging much of my extended family out to lunch at one when we were all together for a funeral. Mine is not a Cheesecake Factory family, so this is one of the ways I know they love me. Plus, I paid.

Cheatahs gotta eatah

My introduction to it was as done by 8th graders when I was an impressionable 5th grader. My dad taught at my school, and even now, 30 years later, both he and I have referred to members of that class by their characters' names. Around that same time (and now that I think about it, he would have been the music…

I love the movie of Guys and Dolls, but honestly, it's such an incredibly strong musical that I think it would be fabulous remade. It's like a grilled cheese sandwich, or a vanilla milkshake: even the fucked-up version of it will still be pretty damn good.

I hope when you wrote Monsieur Bernstein's name, you were pronouncing it correctly in your head. Otherwise, expect haunting.

She made a big deal about converting to marry Jared Kushner, and how she couldn't wear "jewels" or show any skin at the wedding because his family is Orthodox. She must be his grandmother's worst שייגעץ nightmare.

Isn't that a picture of Miley Cyrus?

Exactly.

Yes.

We could not resist buying a book on the topic that we found at a used book market when we lived in Germany. "Urin: Ein ganz besonder saft" which I think I am remembering correctly as the title, and which translates as "Urine: an Entirely Other Juice." Djiyfhughkbbdgj blarg

The appeal of beige pumps is 100% lost on me. WHY WOULD YOU BOTHER EVEN WEARING SHOES IF THEY CAN'T BE A FUN COLOR???

Meanwhile, science needs to come up with a better option than mammography. I found mine to be so horrifying that I cannot imagine ever doing it again. I still cannot believe I let someone hurt such a tender part of me so badly.

Fuck the asshole at my work who said that all Muslims should be detained "like we did with the Japanese in the interment camps" because it's such a "fundamentally violent" religion.

I...that baby is freaking adorable. I should see this as a crass marketing tool, but I...I'm helpless in the face of that baby.

If I were Dan Stevens, I would've started planning my escape as soon as my legs suddenly worked again. Or as soon as the faceless amnesiac cousin appeared. They both signified that show turning to shit.

Donna Karan has been wearing weird stuff for several years now. It always drapes oddly, and makes her look like she's horribly dumpy when it's pretty clear she isn't. Very strange.

We are waiting to be matched with a birthmother in a domestic, open adoption. A few months ago, our agency asked if we were okay with our profile being shown to a birthmother, the caveat being that the ICWA would be in play and that we would have to pay for a lawyer. Words cannot express how glad I am that we did not…