ALL THE TEARS. ALL OF THEM.

And hopefully that will discourage anyone from hiring him purely for shock value.

UGH YOU PITCHED IN FUCKING BOSTON. YOU JUST DESCRIBED EVERYONE WHO BOUGHT YOUR JERSEY.

If anyone could avenge his father's death to cancer, it would be someone with such amazing and badass parents. Thank you thank you thank you for sharing your hilarious and inspiring husband with the world.

SO MUCH YES TO THIS.

Let's be honest, we need a Nelly series here. #dogdox

You're awesome. DEADSPIN DEGRAY THIS [man?]!!!!

You are my new favorite.

Because saying it's okay to murder an unarmed young black man and get away with it is racist. That's why.

YES.

SHOCKING. Of course I'm in the grey too. SOMEDAY, DEADSPIN. SOMEDAY.

MR TROUT. MR TROUT. MIIIIIIIIISTER TROUT.

Hey Roseanne, remember when you were held up as the standard for female comedians? Me either, but apparently it happened. Go away and STAHP. You just keep piling on the horrible.

Darren Wilson disagrees with you.

I would like it very much if my future offspring could take after her, thank you.

I TOO WAS QUITE EXCITED BY THIS. And thank you! My coffee shop job was *very* interesting.

No, Massachusetts! I guess there are oddballs everywhere.

GENIUS.

SCRUBBING THE UNRESPECTED FLOOR WITH A DAMN TOOTHBRUSH.

I AM EVERYWHERE