I ENJOY YOUR SCIENTIFICALLY ACCURATE JOKE.

THIS IS NEWS YOUR JOURNALISTIC STANDARDS HAVE GONE DOWN I MISS OLD JEZEBEL WHEN SHE WAS WHORING IT UP WITH BIBLICAL KINGS.

BUT IT WAS WHAT WAS BEST FOR THE COUNTRY!!!! WHITE MEN COUNT AS THE WHOLE COUNTRY, RITE??? THE REST OF US ARE JUST VARIANTS ON THEIR PERFECTNESS.

WE WORRY OUT OF LOVE.

I DID BUT I HAVE NO SCIENTIFIC LEANINGS (THANKS OBAMA).

THAT'S AWFUL. I was referring to when I order nachos, I order them with no jalapenos and salsa on the side. Or when I order a latte, I order small ones with an extra shot of espresso and a pump and a half of vanilla. Which, as a barista, sounds like more of a pain in the ass than it is.

WELL PUNNED, BEAR. WELL PUNNED. You may even win Stephen Colbert over with that one.

THAT HAPPENED TO ME WITH A HOT TEA. It was an old lady who threw it at me because it was "too hot." I ran into the back to basically pour ice down my shirt, and by the time I got back out (not like I was thinking about cops anyway, I was thinking OW FUCK MY BOOBS OW OW OW) she was gone.

I LOVE THAT IDEA OH MY GOD.

I DON'T KNOW!!! And I always WANT to put my own cream and sugar in! I DON'T WANT SOMEONE GETTING IT WRONG. I KNOW BEST WHAT I LIKE.

...yes, because drinking 20 ounces of heavy cream is "cheating a little."

It's white mint ice cream instead of having green food color added, I'm pretty sure.

I only wish it was Bill Burr who had been coming in. He would have at least been funny.

Hey, when I'm off island, I frequent Starbucks. I'm fine with Starbucks regulars, just don't come into my coffee shop and order a "grande misto with a whole bunch of other words I don't understand."

YOUR NAME MAKES ME SO HAPPY I THINK I LOVE YOU.

I kinda wanted to smack the dude.

I NEVER care how weird people are about their orders if they're nice about it. Never. "I'm sorry, I know this is odd/a pain in the butt/not common" followed by a nice tip equals "well that was odd, but that person is nice." Because I worked in a coffee shop for ten years, when I go into coffee shops to get a latte…

Oh my god that is SO TRUE. There are certain pain in the ass people who are like "is Duncan here? He knows JUST how I like my latte." "Where's Scott? Scott is the only one who gets my drink just right!" We had one lady who came in every day for a week asking about "Scott" while he was on his vacation (despite us…

I DON'T KNOW. But I saw that and was like I KNOW THAT ORDER.

You would be AMAZED what some commenters will defend.