as Rutgers alumni also, who the fuck cares?

Cited for what, drinking beer as a 19 or 20 year old? Pardon me if I’m not ready to bring back the gallows over this.

What a horrible thing to happen to you. I don’t know how you’ll ever be able to move on.

The “From Faaaar and near, we came to Rutgers” is a clever way to retain the nice “Ahh” sound of the classic “Faaahhter” in the original line. It’s also a significant improvement over the meaning of the original version of the line. Stop being an old fart.

Gundy: You want me on that sideline! You need me on that sideline!

As long as Diggs and Bradford stay healthy Minnesota

Try $25 Budweisers. Gotta pay back that tax money!

(Just kidding, they don’t pay shit back)

The Bradford trade makes more sense now

It was too risky. The straight path to the locker room cuts directly through a day care.

Diner: “Can I have the double bacon cheeseburger, fries, beer and the injured player walk-through special please.”

Waiter: “Would you like the special teams player injury or can I interest you in upgrading to a starter?”

Anybody else finding themselves sighing frequently, not enjoying things, like ice cream, as much, constantly feeling on the verge of unexpected violent tears? Anyone else get queasy when they turn on the news, cynical when they open their Facebook and wary when strangers start talking in a doctor’s waiting room that…

So one candidate is a known racist with a history of discriminating against minorities and is supported by the KKK, but another candidate got pneumonia so you’re going to call it a draw?

Really? You’d rather have something like Lucas Oil Stadium?

I didn’t “feel unified” the night of 9-11-01, because I was paralyzed and silent while quietly wondering if my uncle was alive and not wanting to ask my parents because I figured if they knew, they’d tell me.

You really shouldn’t have told us Steelers fans that we’ve never blown a three-score lead this millennium, I’m about to be the wooooooorst. Well, even more so.

“Oh no, someone somewhere is getting something I don’t need!”

Are the “politically correct police”the ones that shoot you? Or do they just make fun of you on Twitter? I keep getting this mixed up.

I saw “St. Vincent & the Grenadines” and thought, “Shit, Annie Clark started a doo-wop combo? That actually makes sense.”