Bombastic

All I can say is thank CHRIST they penalized that one guy for jumping up and down after his team scored a touchdown. We need to keep that sort of behavior in check.

This is truly terrible. I expect Cam to receive some kind of suspension for his foul language. My children would like to enjoy watching a man get lobotomized without covering their ears.

Have you considered hiring a donut consultant to optimize your short and long-term snacking strategy?

Do you have something in a “Blue Steel?”

“Its politics are the result of someone teaching nursing home residents how to use 4chan.”

I’m not even exaggerating when I say that this is one of the best explanations I’ve ever seen about this.

Kaepernick should have performed an armed takeover of a bird sanctuary. The only acceptable form of protest.

Why isn’t the whole plane made out of black on black crime???

This preview is fine, but I fucking hate that picture and every goddam thing it represents. Other than that, well done.

“And I’ll tell you another thing,” Lynch said, “New Girl might be the best damn show on television.”

Isn’t that yhe ceremonial last swim?

Usually, it involves pushing an old person in a wheelchair into the deep end. It’s an acquired taste.

Being a fan of the Redskins is like being a Donald Trump voter. It signals you are either a racist, an idiot, or both.

That haircut is business in the back, Megan’s Law in the front.

The Midwest with palm trees?

If by "loaded up", you mean "tried a bunch of random PIN code combinations on his Tracfone", then yes, yes he did.

What are the odds he takes a shortcut and becomes a policeman?

“Or five times.”

You would think that after two decades of obscurity I would get tired of rooting against Dallas and their fans. NOPE. I remember you shitheels. They could go 2-14 for 50 years and I’ll root against them every single time. My disgust for that team is radioactive.

I’m pretty sure Bill Clinton is still receiving covert blowjobs.