Right? Like you know Glenn Danzig is somewhere going, “omg, seriously? This band is godawful.” With the incredible amount of self-awareness he brings to all his endeavors, natch.

what did you just do to me???

(argh, you’re so not wrong, but you’re apparently just shouting down a well)

(all the stars.)

That is the most creepily accurate thing I’ve read today.

(For real - wtf with this whole, “he was a FELON, but she blamed something else?” Does felon mean something different now, like ‘admitted baby animal torture enthusiast,’ and I missed the memo?)

Well, yes and no - how hard would it be to say, “oh no, it’s fine: my wife and I have an agreement?” Bam, done. That’s totally plausible, and a raised brow can be placated with a couple of reassurances that the married couple quietly sees other people and it’s all good, as long as they’re honest/don’t cheat…

Because MILF applies to every hot chick >30?

While I am in no way disagreeing with your statement, I can’t help but feel that there’s an implicit assertion that it *is* a good look on someone. I find it hard to imagine, but am open to learning otherwise (or that you think it’s not a good look in general, but perhaps especially on him?).

As someone who spent half their growing up in FL, I have to agree. Those shiny sunglasses look tourist/non-Floridian, but that shirt kinda makes up for it.

(lol same)

Oh, I’m pretty certain that if someone’s the kind of person who thinks any fun, festive occasion should involve gunfire, they’re the kind of person who thinks *all* fun, festive occasions should involve gunfire.

You need to start a party planning business asap. Shut up and take my money!

wait, what??? I have never heard of this cake phenomenon. You made those examples up, right? Please, please, please... (You totally didn’t. Ugh)
I’ve had a bunch of friends have kids over the past few years, and never even heard of this. There’s been a bit of baby shower pink/blue drama, when the parents were like,…

(That’s pretty swell. Your friend totally gets virtual stars.)

...or a guy and his best buddy, all worked up after hearing about the party and having a couple beers. Maybe this party/her having a baby/[make something random up] felt like an insult and they just wanted to ‘teach her a lesson, not hurt anyone,’ and things got out of hand.
I don’t get why 2 guys would lead one to…

oh, god... That’s so incredibly plausible (and banal) that it doesn’t even matter whether it’s what actually happened - I’m going to go crawl back under a blanket and curl up in a ball of despair now. Everything is horrible. :(

Seriously. Ew.

right? first thing I thought was, ‘They didn’t *have* to.’

(of all things on the internet today, for some reason, this is the only thing that actually made me laugh out loud. so, thanks!)