There’s an asshole on everyone’s six.

He doesn’t have any mirrors. Mirrors upset him. His staff has replaced all mirrors with framed (and highly shopped) photos of him from 30 years ago. So far, he’s buying it.

I wonder if he even realizes that his statement casts capitalism as the opposite of humanity.

Why are bad reviews so much more entertaining to read than good ones?

Flambeed.

More old-timey? Licorice pipes.

You’re a fucking Randy. Nobody likes a Randy.

Cheese is a daytime snack. After midnight is the time for unheated cans of corn.

Portion control has no place after midnight.

Portion control has no place after midnight.

...but the love interest of a C-B list (at the time) Marvel character was never, ever going to be a meaty enough of a role for an Academy Award winning actress.

I once knew a cat that was raised among dogs that enjoyed swimming and rolling in mud puddles, but never groomed itself. In fairness, there’s a better-than-average chance the filthy little thing was brain damaged.

As to #3, she knows. They all know.

I’m sure they work well. No self-respecting hen would be seen with the nerd in the trousers.

On the other hand...

No. I call those people ‘the Insistence’. Omarosa can go sit with Stormy Daniels.

If I saw an untitled picture of those three, I’d probably have assumed that they were mall cops being charged with the sexual assault of an underage shoplifter. 

She’s the dog’s mom. To be a dog’s mom, you must be a dog. The restaurant doesn’t allow dogs. She should be banned.

False. Children are raccoons. They don’t become human until they’re old enough to drink.