What?! Even after a blancmange faced Podgorny at Wimbledon?

Weird. Ivanka says it’s more like fucking a blancmange.

I read that exchange as “We don’t care what you’ve done, only how many people paid to see you do it”. They weren’t talking about quality with Schumer, only the size of her audiences.

I hope quantifying it involved looking at how many people have watched her previous special since they got it. It seems to be the only objective way to do it.

The potential damage if parked too far forward is blatantly obvious. Zero warning should be required. And the previous cars damaged in the structure should have served as ample warning. If I close my dick in my zipper it isn’t because the people who made my jeans didn’t warn me. It’s because I fucked up.

They’re crooked bastards, but they didn’t cost the department $19,000. Those people would have gotten a few tickets and stopped being assholes. They wouldn’t have just kept parking like that no matter how much it cost them. That’s one of those “every download is a lost sale” arguments.

My hometown had an Applejacks. At least they did until Applebees found out. Now they have a Taco Bill’s.

Years back, I was living in an apartment with godawful neighbors. Constantly blocking other cars in the lot, leaving their trash by the dumpster because they couldn’t be assed to actually put it in the dumpster, propping the outside door open so the vermin drawn by their garbage could come in the building... Just…

In all fairness, all the colors in a rainbow taste the same. You can “taste the rainbow” by drinking a glass of water.

Besides, seeing the fake names Dickie has for the popular wrestlers he’s so clearly emulated here is never not funny. Jimi Sierra for John Cena? Stunner Stu for Billy Gunn? Hanz Cuffs for the Big Boss Man? Genius.

Brave Sir Jeff Flake ran away
Bravely ran away away
When danger reared its ugly head
He bravely turned his tail and fled
Yes, brave Sir Jeff Flake turned about
And gallantly he chickened out
Bravely taking to his feet
He beat a very brave retreat
Bravest of the brave, Sir Jeff Flake

Not necessarily. It could also be bigot-speak for “I have so many racist conversations in a day that I just can’t keep track of who hated who and when”.

Even if that were true (which it isn’t), he said

Trump didn’t say what was on everyone’s mind. If he said what was on your mind, it’s because you’re as horrible as he is. If the only way you can justify your opinions to yourself is to pretend like everyone else shares them, you may want to consider the possibility that you just plain suck.

The administration said 10 states have applied for waivers involving work requirements or community involvement: Arizona, Arkansas, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Maine, New Hampshire, North Carolina, Utah and Wisconsin.

Pesto and quinoa
Taking up space on a shelf where the hipsters will be
It’s like a meme.

Personally, I’d have used her mugshot.

I don’t disagree with you, but it is really hard to listen to veterinary advice from someone who refers to dogs and cats as having arms.

The opposite of “Double Dare” is “Half Ban”.