You take that back! C.A. Pinkham is hilarious!

If you find fishing as fun as sex, I suspect you’re doing one of them very wrong

And now I’m picturing an interesting science fiction world in which anyone who wants children is forced to adopt, and the only legal pregnancies are those which can be proven to be accidental.

On the other hand, look how they handled their own narrative in the Matrix sequels.

I love this. Unexpectedly, I think I love her too? I’ve never watched her show, I won’t buy her app, but I get THIS. I wish I felt as comfortable and confident in my skin as she seems to. I admire her willingness to be herself, no matter what. Sure, she’s silly and ridiculous, but she’s got some serious hustle and she…

He’ll even jump up into my arms if I ask. He also plays fetch and steals my socks and eats ANY food off the floor and splashes in the toilet, so I’m suspicious that he actually might be a dog.

Wait, how did my cat get into someone else’s house? That third video is totally my cat.

So there will be... hell toupee.

More like between her head and the headboard, whatever happens, I blame Obama and Hillary Clinton. They have ALWAYS had it out for her!!

I’m trying to figure out what age she plans to drop dead.

I’m just like Adobe, I’m rich, flashy, and screaming because I worked on the wrong layer.

or:

“I wanted our children to grow up and remain children as long as possible.”

I thought people were actually putting their eggs in the freezer and than cooking them.

Lots of women have rape fantasies. Please remember that kink shaming is not okay, and neither acting in nor viewing videos simulating rape is an endorsement of actual rape.

My grandma made lime jello with mayo and cottage cheese once and it looked a lot like that but bright green. After everyone declined to try it (because it looked like a science experiment gone wrong) she sat in the living room eating a giant bowl of it, spending most of the time loudly saying how yummy it was, and how…

It’s pretty bad. But it’s no Pea Guacamole.

I drink evaporated milk in my coffee too! Cafe Bustello with raw sugar and Carnation. Yum.

A more stylish (if less discreet) alternative to the lock pick credit card. My friend has a pair and they're really quite pretty.