Shaking my head. I remember when the name lohud.com *meant* something in the journalism world

Reporter: Hey Alex, just one last question- when you were out there, were you thinking about your recently deceased brother?

PA announcer: "Okay fans, are you ready to win the prize of your life?!"

If by average you mean the man to Yao's left, he has a doctorate in quantum mechanics, speaks 9 languages and is an accomplished cellist. If I'm mistaken and you're referring to the man behind Yao, that's Century 21 agent Jeff Whittels of Boca Raton, Fl, and he only sold three homes in the last calendar year. That is…

It is clear that the NBA and its cohorts have begun a rapid decline of the excellence. Listen, I have studied at many european universities that are surrounded by tree-lined streets. I wrote my thesis on the economic powers of russian athletics. I know sport. My plan for the NBA is twofold. Dildos and Dual-Headed…

He was released on his own recognizance due to the fact that he's no longer a threat to run.

I make 36k a year and my neck hurts and i hate my family

"Grossly intoxicated" is a little misleading considering she only drank 142 beers.

That you consider this apeshit crazy foodstuff to be more grownup than a simple grilled-cheese sandwich is indicative of profound detachment from reality.

Unfortunately, her shot at Nikitina missed, meaning that Uhlaender also placed fourth in skeleton biathlon.

Shit, if I could do that, that would solve everything.

He's not my color commentator.

ERROR: WITHDRAWAL MUST BE IN MULTIPLES OF $50,000

As with most other things in Sochi, those burgers were assembled only three days ago.

Well, no shit there were so many crashes. The stupid Russians only finished building half the pipe.

Normally, this would come as a complete shock. But for Charlie Villanueva, it didn't even raise an eyebrow.

Hmm, maybe they could make it out of wood or concrete next time and put some wheels on the bottoms of their snowboards or something.

They are to satire like dog crap is to food.

SAGE: [Soars]
SAGE: [Flies unbelievably high]
SAGE: [Hangs in air for what seems like eternity]
SAGE: [Glides over all]
SAGE: [Feels time slow to a freeze]
SAGE: [Feels wave of quiet euphoria]
SAGE: [Almost touches heaven]
SAGE: God damn. I feel like... like... forever...
TECH 1: [Leaning in] What's he saying, there?
TECH 2:…

Those dolls are the best. Inside the big one is a smaller doll. Inside that is a smaller doll. Inside that is an even smaller doll. And inside that is an even smaller doll! And inside of that is Bob Costas' studio apartment.