"When two people love each other very much, they can make a baby. Then, as the baby grows up, these same two people, embittered by their own failings, can live vicariously through their child, forcing him into a sport he'll eventually come to resent. And that's where our Winter Olympians come from."

Brian Cazeneuve: Bruce, dude, you'd better cool it with the criticism. You know what happens to journalists here. You're heading down a slippery slope.

Hell, it beats the signs in Rio:

Q: Why did the Rams owner buy a stadium sized plot of land?

Tim, I hope you're happy with yourself. You did exactly what that stupid evil megacorportation wanted you to do; you've gone and helped their stupid ad "go viral", so to speak, and it's just going to result in more clicks for Budweiser, and more people sharing it with their friends. And for what? To increase…

The new head gear has been even less popular among players.

yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,…

I think the conspiracy goes a bit higher than NBC.

That's fine. You just keep putting up barriers. And Lolo Jones will keep knocking them down.

a pronounced limp

Crabtree: FARMVILLE!

a roster that includes five pro Bowlers.

Well, it's a more subtle trap than last week's poll:

It's amazing that one guy can hold both the outdated notion that gay people can be cured and the progressive idea that handicapped people should be fixed.

Hey kids: if you're going to play "hide the midget" at home, you must be absolutely sure to poke some air holes in the box.

• TRIED TO OPEN DOOR WITH PENIS, TOO HOT, SCALDED PENIS

I think your analysis omitted some: