The part I don't understand: if you subscribe to the notion that abortions equal interfering with God's plan for life how is keeping a woman alive not interfering? "God" allowed this woman to suffer an embolism while pregnant. Did His "plan" really involve her being on life support to sustain the fetus for 26 weeks?

No way. People that abuse other people in this way don't pay the bill. The family will be bankrupted also.

Christ al-fucking-mighty. A fourteen week foetus? I was expecting at least 25 weeks. FOURTEEN WEEKS? They are going to maintain an essentially dead woman on life support for another six and a half months? dear god.

Can we talk about the unlikelihood that the temporarily oxygen starved fetus will have any decent quality of life post-partum?

Can we put a "For Sale" sign on the state of Texas?

As someone who suffers from an over-expressive face, I can sympathize.

Ha! We have this janky vending machine at work. Sometimes, you put your money in, make your selection, but it won't give you your Pop Tarts or whatever and the little screen goes, "MAKE ANOTHER SELECTION." We have all decided that the machine is randomly judging our choices and every now and then you'll hear a…

I love that it needs some exotic sounding name instead of just saying 'I eat until I'm almost full.'

I would manage to cut my face somehow with that.

I have no concept of how to eat properly, and I shovel my food in my face with the finesse of a toddler Neanderthal. This fork is the answer to my prayers.

I'll admit to putting wet wipes in my mom's stocking.. but only a travel size thing, and because she's a germaphobe. It's part-joke, part-she'll-actually-use-them.

My mom got me a USB drive lanyard. It doesn't have a flash drive, it's just a lanyard for a flash drive. (I don't work in IT—if I did it would make sense.) Oh, and a friend gave me this book: http://www.amazon.com/All-I-Want-Chr… .

A full-sized bottle of Axe body spray.

You win. I cannot think of a worse gift than a travel-sized bottle of Axe body spray.

One stop shopping at the Walmart dollar bins.

I wonder how long it will take that loonie angel barta to get the Google Alert about this article and come here to tell us how she is a talented writer and fashion designer and that Marc Jacobs has been stalking her and stealing her ideas for 5 years.... With links to her blog, of course.

Any jezzies that are willing to help this expat get some sweet sweet cookies let me know. I've been missing them for almost 5 years :(

Snarky? Me? NEVER.

It's diversity! You never see attractive fat women paired with sketchoid bodybuilders doing Khal Drogo/Travis Bickle mashup cosplay.

It's too bad she was infested by literal demons, and not metaphorical demons. Literal demons are just so show-offy.