One time, a toxin hit my car in a parking lot and didn’t leave a note. When I lived in an apartment building, toxins would sometimes take my clothes out of the washer and leave them in a heap on the dirty table. Toxins are always going through self checkout when they know they have waaaaay too many goddamn items to be…

Pretty! What will the colors be?

Oh, come on, this is OBVIOUSLY The Watcher.

It’s okay to get cooties on fondant because only stupid people eat fondant.

I mean... if I knew someone was freaking out over a nonexistent vagina on a teddy bear cake, I might tease Mrs. Overreaction too. But then, I’m not the kind of person you probably want at a child’s christening in the first place.

Rose McGowan clarified on Twitter that she posted the image of that script note because she was offended by the instructions to read the script to understand the context of the scene she was auditioning for. She was offended by directions that treated her like a moron. It had nothing to do with the guidelines for her…

Yup. I was starred/in the black since, god, forever. I got demoted for making a joke that Jezebel is a “Kardashian site” and not a “Rihanna site.” http://clashtalk.kinja.com/i-got-booted-t…

Oh I love encountering you in the wild my dear.

Are you kidding? Those are the best kind of arguments.

Here are all of the reasons you need to read THE GIRL FROM THE WELL by Rin Chupeco: It’s unbelievably scary horror that will make you love the thing that is terrifying you. It has a WOC author and POC characters — fuck yeah, diversity! You will never read another ghost story like it. Ever. And I will murder your face…

I think so, but obviously Kara would have to weigh in.

He physically and sexually abused Madonna. In some seriously terrifying ways. The guy is scum.

With his house keys clipped to the belt! Boy, you've got pockets somewhere in all that roomy material, right?

No one has ever again told me I look clean, so I presume I am unenlightened and filthy.

“You look very clean today.”

Testing to see if I’ve been banned...

Why do you respond to criticism at all? (Especially since it so clearly bothers you and gets deep under your skin?) In the world of professional writing, that’s a pretty huge no no. You let your critics criticize, and you keep your mouth shut, unless those criticisms are somehow actually damaging to you—because you alw…

I will viciously bite the ankles of any humorless people who give you shit for enjoying short jokes, because I can’t reach any higher than that.

I will watch this trash so hard, my eyes will fire out of my head like peeled grape torpedoes.

Happens to the best of us.