I really wanted one, until I read that they smell like rotting meat and are foul-tempered.

That armadillo is just so-so. Pink fairy armadillos are fuzzy and are therefore the BEST ARMADILLOS.

That's really interesting background that I wasn't aware of—but I have to believe that can't be the only reason for the breadth of its popular reach in the 90s. It takes more than some really diehard fans to make books so big you can see them near registers in grocery stores, and that's how popular those series were…

I think of it as a mid-80s to mid-90s fad.

Oh. My. God. If the plot were identical to the pattern of the old books, except everyone has fangs, I would read the shit out of that while giggling like the schoolgirl I once was.

VC Andrews' books, both her originals as well as the ghost-written series, had a HUGE resurgence in the 90s. You couldn't stand in line at the grocery store without seeing a VC Andrews book in the impulse buy section by the cash register. They were everywhere. And the were all the same: poor girl with a special…

Ooh, I think you've nailed it. I'm going to start constructing my Miley effigy now, for the inevitable Jez judgment-fest.

But how else can they have their holier-than-thou cake and eat it too? (Ideally, this feat should be performed while simultaneously sitting atop the highest horse available.)

Jennifer Lawrence had better watch her back, though; I suspect she's next on the Jezebel altar.

This song has been around forever. I've had a bootleg of it for a few years. If Gaga is going to re-record songs she wrote ages ago, why the fuck aren't we getting a studio version of "No Way" or "Rock Show," damn it? They're both vastly better.

Thank GOD they tested them on granny butts. I was worried there was no quality control going on.

I feel like I've just stumbled upon the tech staff's bat cave. :D

There have been some pretty intimate details about her condition revealed in the news—like the fact that she had recovered enough to say "please" and "thank you" to the staff. I find it highly unlikely that this information was enshrined in a legal document somewhere.

It's really jaw-dropping. My heart hurts at her lack of privacy during such a horrendous time. No one needs to know these details.

WHY THE FUCK DO WE KNOW THIS SHIT?!

Harsh, Archibald. Harsh.

I thought it was a Twilight promotion! It took me while to puzzle out that it wasn't.

So. True.

Ben's face in that gif perfectly sums up my feelings about encountering this article.