His footwork is amazing. This isn’t one of those where he can set himself and get a running start at the throw. The catch takes him back to the wall and the he bounces forward into the throw. So impressive. 

He’s going the distance...

For some reason, it became habit for my friends and I to go to the Waffle Shack on our way back from any and all ill-considered tattoos. To those who haven’t lived near the endless strip all that is Jacksonville, NC, no, unfortunately, that’s not a typo. The Waffle Shack. 

As someone who also spent a decent amount of time in/around Jacksonville and Lejeune, this is the most Jacksonville story that ever Jacksonvilled, and I love it.

Every one of his tattoos looks like he got paid on Friday, went out drinking that night, then tossed his last two crumpled twenties on the counter of the dirtiest shop in town and asked “What’ll this get me?”

how does a comedian I've never heard of afford 30k a month in rent wtf

I think the game you just invented is called cricket.

Irony is calling someone out for arrogance while purporting to speak on behalf of the person’s dead grandfather...

I apologize. Honestly. Tried redirecting it to a joke about the ballpark’s stupid name, but I clearly missed the mark.

Just curious, was there a moment when you thought not to make this comment, because that was a critical moment. 

Well sure, who doesn’t sleep better after a good hump?

Rumour has it (I’m making up the rumour right now) that he hadn’t ordered yet but he did have a Taco Bell breakfast burrito that very morning.

Why can’t he just embrace his future as my mute husband?

The angry short man with the mohawk who voted for Brexit. 

You are why I drink.

“This is some pretty heavy stuff.”

Can’t believe they asked you to raise two fingers and you didn’t go with Ol’ Faithful

God this is so eerily similar to what happened to me, same injury, generally same set of circumstances (had been drinking but not overly so), same general consequence. Thank you for sharing this experience. It brings me back to that scary time but it’s also oddly cathartic for someone to go through something so…

I just laughed out loud, which is great because I am a college professor on summer break and nobody knows I exist until September.

I also believed, for some reason, that a celebrity chef (no idea who) was killed at the same bar the night I bashed my skull in. And that I was a person of interest in that chef’s death. Please know that no famous chef died that night