He’s like white Pharell, except without the whole “cool" thing.

And to think that I clicked on this article because of the word "wet." I....I...uh..watch too much porn...

Growing up in the greater Atlanta area, I know that fat white guys who “used to be athletes” are a dime a dozen. Congratulations to the Stripers on finding the one who actually might be telling the truth.

Are you trying to tell me that these two people might not be great human beings??? Color me shocked, sir!

“Ironically, they didn’t answer.”

Why do I find the idea of an NFL player owning a house in New Hampshire so strange?

Only Florida Man would not see the irony in taunting somebody else while wearing a fucking Jameis Winston jersey.

I have never seen a group of fans make a bigger deal about losing a playoff game in my life. And I’m a fucking Falcons fan for some reason. Kickers miss field goals all the time to lose games, I’m convinced they all suck and kicking should be banned. I think it’s time to move on or just do what I do and pretend your…

Chase Daniels eats his own boogers... dont believe me? Look it up.

If you have to explain yourself by first saying "I'm not that stupid," you most likely are "that stupid."

Looks like the XFL invested into a laptop with ClipArt.

And to think that some marketing/consultant firm most likely got paid to come up with these names. 

Ill never understand how anybody can look at the historical failures of every football league not named NFL (first XFL, AAF, USFL, FXL, UFL, WFL) and say “you know what people really want, another pro football league!”

Everybody who brags about (insert city) brings up the “burgeoning food scene." I'm not disagreeing with you, I just think that comes with living in a city. Except maybe Detroit. 

My former roommate learned the hard way (pun intended) that blue rhinos sold at gas stations last painfully more than 4 hours. The ER had to drain the blood to get it to go down.

Is...is  our future a world full of Trevor Bauers????

“I get that shit all season.”

Its because they're, uh, fast. 

So to be clear, what is the Deadspin's stance on VAR?

Yes, its called American Beer.