More background on the coach: he was the dad of a neighborhood friend, which was the absolute only reason I was picked to play. I was literally the last kid drafted in our Small Town Baseball System. 45th of 45 boys. And after two or three games...we didn’t have a single practice again for the rest of the year. Just…

I feel like none of us really understood how cups actually worked, and what they could or could not do.

I was an extremely bad baseball player. They used to start me and bat me 9th on the off-chance that two innings would take place before my spot in the batting order came up, and I could be pulled having played my league-mandated two innings.

all of us who thought we’d had our most devastating playoff loss ever in 2019 because I can guarantee you that Drew Brees’ floating head on a robot will be here in 2050 to make the go-ahead TD pass only to be undone when Bill Vinovich’s 23andMe clone inadvertently slaps the ball out of the receiver’s hand while…

Most Deadspin readers and employees have the skill to get under center, receive a snap, and just run up the butt of that guy for a few inches of gain. I think the NBA one might actually end up being the easiest because as the Twitter question is phrased, you could just score into your own bucket. 

GENIUS

The NFL one is never, ever, ever happening. The Higgs boson is more likely to shoot out of your dick before you could run 10 yards beyond the line of scrimmage in one try against an NFL defense. HOWEVER - the posed question didn’t necessarily say it was a full 10 yards. WHAT IF it’s a 2nd & inches and all you have to…

Legitimate thoughts and prayers for that man. I hope his friends and remaining family stay close to him and give him the support he’ll need for years. I don’t think I’d be able to go on, so I hope Blake Bivens is stronger than me.

+1 moogly

Jack:

So true. Drew probably included every single Chargers email he got, and there’s only nine here.

Fuck Barstool, bro.

I feel like a crazy person regarding this particular facet to his 2016 run. TrumpTV was always the plan. He thought he was gonna lose. The morning of Election Day, he was ready to lose. He had no acceptance speech ready. He looked like the saddest dude on the planet when he had to step up and claim victory that night. …

Well fucking said

You appear to fundamentally misunderstand how placekicking works, but your GIF game is good so have a star

The Bears’ KICKERPALOOZA might have been the stupidest shit a coach ever did. The guy on Opening Day wasn’t even in the KICKERPALOOZA bunch. No one seems to know what the hell that was.

If they were actually trying to evaluate placekickers, yes, but it’s the Vikings so who fucking knows

Literally all of them. Even old man Vinatieri. 

The leap you’re making to assume she can make in-game field goals at the rate of the 32nd-best kicker in the NFL is simply enormous. Fuck dude, that would rule if she could Kathy Ireland that ball. I’d like to see it actually happen one time before decrying the NFL as anti-woman for not employing a kicker. (There’s…

Ray, the video at Eagles practice lacks pads, a rush, or linemen. It’s only representative of her skill as an NFL placekicker like playing Home Run Derby would be for a potential MLB outfielder. Carli Lloyd is awesome. This is a weird stunt to be taking seriously.