Tilt it 90-degrees clockwise and... wait for it... melty robot head (not a verb).

Err... you mean his cuck-cession “speech” (which will be a series of grunts and grimaces and pussy grabbing motions). Afterwards Madame President will reach into a side-drawer and return Herr Trump’s tiny, misshapen balls.

2020? That’s more than two-years away so... not gonna happen.

Two words: Inside job.

Err... people still watch Portlandia? How retro.

Oh gosh... another How to Adult Like an Adult article for (and from) the Special Snowflake crowd. Really looking forward to How to Breathe When Helicopter Mom Isn’t Nearby to Push Up and Down on One’s Chest.

After you die you don’t get to bitch that someone took the coins off your dead eyes and then proceeded to spend them on candy, gum and FourLoko. (The former-Gawker kids still have tons (and tons) of growing up to do.)

As it’s not “Star Trek: Matlock” or “Star Trek She Wrote” CBS doesn’t even know the series ever existed.

Jeez... the only thing missing from the blurby-blurb photo is a pair of Mom jeans.

Supa-excited about your upcoming blurby-blurb in which Wells Fargo gets a 90-percent discount on the fine. It’s a bank... banks get The Walk.

Grand Foil Hat Party 101: When attempting to curry the favor of the Reptiloids always accuse the Haxx0rz.

People look at you and assume you can be funny. Wow, are they wayyyy off.

Do you like it in the can?

Hmm... not to burst any technology bubbles but as my apartment is 130-sq.ft (approx. 8.75' x 14.75') it would not have room for this collapsible sauna.

So... if I understand correctly: The same people who claim they’ll keep an anonymous source /anonymous/ (journalists) failed to maintain their Non-Disclosure Agreements (which... stay with me here... they agreed to).

Oh... this is a “humor” piece. Hmm... that’s probably not your thang. Humor pieces typically contain (wait for it)... “humor”.

Oh... so they used Bud Light for the test. Guess they were out of beer.

Next year in Brewusalem!

Bad news, champ... when you agreed to Instagram’s Terms of Use you agreed to let them off the hook in the event an advertiser was doing naughty naughty things. There’s actually two paragraph in the ToU devoted to this. One paragraph (“Rights”, paragraph 2) points out they don’t have to label advertising as advertising…

But this is great news for stump-porn aficionados.