Well, let’s hope the children are OK and everyone else is dead.

You’re a good person.

(This happened to me when I was in Honolulu helping my eightysomething mom take care of my dad, who had Alzheimer’s. I still cringe.)

Shortly after I was surprise laid off from my job, I was home alone in the house that me and my boyfriend of five years shared, busily applying for jobs. We had one shitty old printer that we shared that I’d never figured out how to print to from my laptop so I grabbed his laptop, as I often did, to print the…

Ugh I hate swipers. The solution is you star the photo and show them from your favorite folder.

Yes. I know, because he wrote it in there. “Notebook- you got me in trouble! Stacey found you”

“How much lube do two seventy-year-olds need?”

The one thing that still creeps me out and makes me angry with myself for not speaking up about it- happened in Target. I was standing in line with my then 12 year old daughter and there was a guy/young woman couple that got in line behind us. My kid was preoccupied with a book but I glanced back and this guy was…

Not me, exactly but the two women walking toward me in a sporting good store. That was the moment when the zipper on my sport bra gave up the game completely and unzipped so fast I could not even react. Both sides of this stupid bra pop out of the sides of my summer dress like weird ass wings and oh boy, did I wish I…

I had a boyfriend who I liked a lot, and he had a plain notebook in his room and I went to steal a sheet to write a note. It was in plain sight on his desk.

crying.....can’t breathe....

Oh no! Where to begin?

I went to my then girlfriend’s parent’s house for dinner. After the meal I went to find a restroom. I walked down the hall and nearly into the open door of the bathroom where her mom was taking a dump on the toilet. Mortified, I quickly turned around, unsure if she had seen me, and continued down the hall. It was a…

My wife has an extensive dildo collection. When we first started dating (early 20s) she would wash them in the kitchen and just keep them in the drying rack. I said “you know, why don’t you dry them in the tub behind the curtain or something”. She said “cause nobody visits my apartment but you”. Fast forward a few…

I was riding my big wheel through a hotel my dad was looking after during off season(so he could write a book) and i came up to a room, where i shit you not, some guy in a dog suit was giving head to another guy. they both became aware of my presence and i fled. this was the 80s, before furries, mind you.

There are two kinds of people in the world...

One time I got this series of texts from my dad:

unless he was overly hairy, i bet he looked absolutely lovely in it.

People seriously have to stop swiping when somebody shows you a pic on their phone. You have a single view license of that particular photo unless you want to see a pic of somebody’s butthole.

Seeing through the window - a man shaving my aunt’s vag. It was messed up. I was young. Naturally, it’s burned into my memory...