King doesn’t even need to be shady. She just straight up called the bitch out, then handed her her ass on global television. Eat shit, Efimova.

“I’m not a fan,” is my favorite. It’s dismissive, shows your superiority and suggests those who ARE fans are dumb as hell. It’s the all-region ‘bless her heart’ . I’m going to do my best to say that to as many people as possible this week.

I think Mack Horton calling out SunYang and now Lilly King calling out Efimova is great.

“So long and thanks for the IPAD “~Dolphin

“I said no pictures, asshole!”

I was going to ask for an Amazon Prime account for Christmas.

This slays me. (I just posted a wire from this very story!). I had a tough stepfather who would throw my stuff out the window if my room wasn’t clean. Remember trying to explain why my stuff was on the front lawn whena friend came over after school. Her look of horror opened my eyes to the fact that this was far from…

If you want a sneak peak (presumably) and haven’t seen it, her story for The Moth is my favorite:

Julian understands that time is relative and a social construct. This kid is mad advanced at physics, too.

Dear Julian’s Parents,

I work at a museum. I frequently joke that I’m going to take all the “Please Do Not Touch” signs that have visible finger prints and boot/shoe prints and turn it into an exhibit called “What Did I Just Say?!”

Ughhggh maybe full-on incidents are outliers, but damn if it doesn’t come close to happening every single second of every single day. I hate going to museums and not only because I can’t deal with people, places, or things, but because EVERY TIME I’m in one, I see someone do something really careless and borderline…

On a similar subject, why do people feel compelled to take photos of really famous art? I went to Versailles and whole tour buses spent their visit looking at everything through their cell phones and iPads. It’s famous art, there are books with high quality images in it! The Internet has pictures! You’re missing the…

He walkin around a museum with an open soda!?!?

Story time! Several years back, I was at the Art Institute in Chicago’s modern wing. I was looking at a piece (a bunch of decorated and painted chairs, iirc) when I saw a man reach across the barrier, grab a chair and shake it while yelling “Look at how sturdy these are, hun!”

If Cookie Monster can learn proper museum etiquette, so can the rest of us.

you should probably not liberally handle actual pieces of shit, in museums or elsewhere.

Literal shit is more postmodern than modern, actually, but you’re still not allowed to touch it.

But what if you make it better?

Things in the museum are however, free to touch you.