That depends on your definition of "made," and where it lies within the lattice of determinist power dynamic relations but not unlike the hierarchical axiom that negates the general state of "free will."

There are two things that we in Illinois do better than everyone else: hot dogs and corrupt politicians.

Dear god, I wonder if what they really meant is they can't count to three without using their fingers?

In the interests of scientific accuracy, I present a revised diagram to address your concerns, because you know what? You're right.

Ah, Forxcalibur. Alas, many a man has tried to free that fork from within the enchanted block of parmesan, but all that have gone North to this garden of olives have never been seen again.

I was at Fred Meyer one Saturday afternoon, on a holiday weekend, so the place was mobbed - and for some reason management had put this poor brand-new employee on the register. The woman in front of me decides to pay for her groceries with a check, which of course she doesn't even start pulling out of her purse until…

The lady in the Olive Garden lake of marinara sauce has to choose you, then you have to pull a pasta fork from a block of extra hard cheese.

"You couldn't taste it because I did it right. (Asshole.)"

Wait, only $20k? *balls up life, starts over*

Can we have a round of applause for all of the awesome managers this week? There is nothing more satisfying than a manager that has your back when a customer is being an asshole.

The other day I witnessed a mother grabbing her (13 year old?) son by the front of his shirt and saying "don't you EVER do that again" for being snotty to the cashier at a coffee shop.

Best boss I ever had was when I was working for a bank.

God I needed this. THIS IS WHAT I'VE DEALT WITH ALL DAY.

"Waiter! Bread sticks! And there's a small fleck of cheese on this table. Have it cleaned. Chop chop!" Needless to say, the evening went downhill from there.

This a thousand times. Tip your delivery drivers well and they'll be sure to treat you well. Even if it's not some kind of extra things in your meal (our Chinese guy sneaks free gyoza or extra egg rolls.) They will be glad to come and deliver to you. Your food will probably still be quite hot.

I'm reluctant to condone an egging, but it seems justified in this case. My preferred method is coating the windshield with vaseline. It can't be driven until it's cleaned, but what a pain in the ass to try and get it removed. No lasting damage to the vehicle and the look on the cashier's face when you set down a…

Roger Miller's story is why I always overtip for delivery. I get pizza so hot I can't even eat it yet, and the Indian place sends a free dessert every time. Mmmm mango mousse. I don't get why anyone would be shitty to the person who is saving me from having to cook and wash dishes.

Man having to wait till 11 is agonizing. How else am I going to get my morning cup of laughs, snark, no tipping-Illuminati, the customer is always right, I'M ALLERGIC TO RED, monogrammed thermos posts?

Great submissions in last week's Pissing Contest, but I think Meezer5 is the winner in our hearts:

This is a story of how one of the worst days of my life ended up reaffirming my faith in strangers and in the human race in general.