We're still speculating over whether or not Lupita Nyong'o and Jared Leto are a thing.

I'd prefer a team of oxen, personally.

I'm ethnic, too. Ethnically Polish, that is. This is the skin color of my people:

I'm biracial and this happens to me a few times a month, with the offender typically being a retail sales associate.

i had a not quite that bad but post-meal embarassing date/tipping experience once that ended in me going to an ATM and going back to the restaurant a few minutes later. we were both paying cash, splitting the check.

Jeez, you guys had to write a GUIDE? I thought NYC'ers were made of tougher stuff? And that East Coasters were all flinty resolved motherfuckers.

And if your internet fails, PANIC!!!

OH MY GOD THE DOLLAR STACK!! Sadly this is more common than you would think. I've encountered it several times over the years. But only once was I actually able to do anything about it.

I really liked them back when they were *just* a shoe and handbag store, before the Gap bought them and added all the boutique clothing and celebrity curators. After they did that I started buying my shoes mostly from Endless (RIP) or 6pm.

The moment at which you start screaming and hurling swears at an employee is the moment at which you deserve absolutely no sympathy or understanding whatsoever.

"I really hate to be that guy and to stick up for coffee latte lady"

Oh, fuck those note leaving assholes. Fuck them right in the ear.

P.S. You really should take up eating meat again. Millions of people starve to death every day and would gladly trade places with you.

Oh god, I swear I had Coffee Latte's husband the other day. Never in my life have I felt the stupidity ratio in a room rise so rapidly as when this guy opened his mouth.

Obviously the steak fajitas had not been grilled enough. The longer you grill them, the more tender they become. Look it up.

Damn youths, smoking their Molly and moving their hands in front of the face part of my body! How dare they! Get off my lawn! Where am I?

And the Oscar for Bestest Use Of A Kitchenette Inside Joke in a Horrible Customer Story goes to ...

Monogrammed Thermosery

I want a goddamn coffee latte in a goddamn monogrammed thermos right now!!!! And God help you if there's any red in there because I'm allergic to red!