I’ve said it many times but, I’ll say it again. I freaking love this book, it was literally the most helpful thing for a prepubescent me. As an awkward person, i hated going to my mom with questions, and this really helped me feel ok with the changes i was going through.

It would be funny if she mixed up her obligations and opened with “What’s in your wallet?”

“Should I tip differently in states where servers make minimum wage?”

“This story is stranger, and sadder, than it initially appears.”

Same here. 
I’m even annoyed at having to scroll past so many of them.

Not lying: I want that. 

Nope, nope, and nope. But since the density is questionable it’s a rough guess anyway. Point is, can you imagine the size of a truck that could carry even one million 1L bottles? 40,000 tons is battleship sized.

I think we can all agree that spending that much on any edition of a book would be considered Austentatious.

40,000 tons of cola? That’d be 40 million 1L bottles, assuming the density is close to water and my math is correct. 

Dearly Brie-loved, we are Gruyère-d here to-whey to Wigmor the u-Noyan of Brendan Otto and Ilsa Burke in Halloumi Mamirolle, which is an honorable Estero, that is not to be en-Teneri-d into un-Avaxtskyr-ly or Laguiole, but Reverie-ntly and Sardo-ly...

‘You see, i was walking through the woods the other day and these really tall Ren-Faire guys with high pitched voices appeared out of no where demanding I bring them a shrubbery’.

I’m so sorry for this, it’s such bad form to mock typos and spelling errors, but I need to point out just how much I ABSOLUTELY LOVE the word "syncopants." 

“Say what you will about Hitler, but at least he killed Hitler.”

“Without this thinking,” he said, pointing to his head, “you would see numbers that you wouldn’t believe.”

Later, after the divorce, “Melania wasn’t a very good wife. I saw her once a year, around Christmas. Terrible in bed. Not a 10.” Later, after the disowning, “Don Jr.? Never talked to him. Think I saw him once in New York, across the room at restaurant.” Later, at the check-in center in Hell, “Donald Trump? The guy was…

Having seen every Bond film at least once, I have to say this does not hurt my feelings. With the exception of Casino Royale, they are mostly bad in many ways. I would prefer to see Idris Elba star in an action/spy thriller series that introduced a brand new character, and did not have so much of the ridiculous male…

The gender politics in Mulan are indeed far from perfect, but you’ve chosen to focus on some really strange things to make your argument.

Theres an app for this! https://www.nurx.com/ I don’t use it personally but I remember researching it for a bit. I think it might only be available in certain states. But it lets you order birth control online without an in person dr visit.

“If anyone is looking for a good lawyer, I would strongly suggest that you don’t retain the services of Michael Cohen!”

President: “It’s not my fault! I don’t know what crimes are! Nobody told me! It’s your fault!”