I turned down an offer for a Starbucks run at 10:50 BECAUSE IT'S ALMOST KITCHENETTE TIME YOU IDIOT

This is a story of how one of the worst days of my life ended up reaffirming my faith in strangers and in the human race in general.

Don't be silly, everyone knows you serve salads in wedges.

WHAT IS AN HERB

Oh my god.

The funny thing is, I can't even remember how I ended the conversation. It confused me to the point where my memory stopped working or something. I think we ended up with "Green, it tastes green."

Ugh, I hate the people who are just impossible to explain anything to. I had a conversation about pesto this week that went like this:

I'm sure you have enough muscle from patting yourself on the back. No one is judging committed atheletes, but not everyone has the time or will to be one.

The chocolate store woman is clearly kin to "I'm allergic to crunchy".

Tell me, is it hard to murder bad tippers when you're in the advanced stages of pregnancy? Do you need us to donate to a kickstarter to fund your defense team?

Girl yes! Not the girl throwing the shower.. her friend. Her cheap friend that once screamed across a cheesecake factory for more "free bread"

Can we like, get you a raise or something? BCO does something to my spirits. Everyone at work today is squabbling. Tension can be cut with a knife. I'm over here snickering... and wanting to be waited on by a tough ass drag queen.

I got bad news at 10:52. I started hitting "refresh" at 10:59. Thank you Mr. Pinkham for saving my Monday.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. If it is so impairative that you keep your gun on you at all times, then you must be able to carry it safely, no ifs ands or buts.

I would encourage you to stop advocating for continued gun ownership.

People. Stop keeping guns where your kids can get them. It really isn't that hard.

I cannot even fathom anyone thinking it appropriate to ask that question in that scenario. I'm completely baffled

its WINE

I have missed you guys at SNL so much! I started florist school at the beginning of the month, and the whole getting up at 6:30 AM in Europe thing didn't mix well with staying up so late :(