Every year my friend and I host a Black[out] Friday party and everyone gets spectacularly drunk and sloppy while dressed in cocktail attire. Two years ago it got pretty rowdy and a few people slept on couches (small town, no cabs). Well my girlfriend woke up and heard scuffling coming from the back door early in the…

I have such a hard-on for Ilana.

Kermie's little hand slipping out from that guy's spine... Things you can't unsee

How the fuck do I miss this EVERY SATURDAY?!?

McDonalds should ONLY exist in churches. That way it would be much more difficult to get drunk and accidentally wander into one and get French fries then hate yourself in the morning. Although, if you DID wander into a McMass in a drunken state, I'm sure the level of self loathing in the morning would be worse.…

"I'm hanging in there."

I wouldn't call her genetically superior. She lives on hot dogs, potatoes, and diet coke. She's only 66 and she has fatty liver disease solely from her diet, not from drinking alcohol. She's got, at most, 2 years left.

The last line made me laugh, because I ended up having a Vera Wang gown and a pink peony bouquet. But the gown was from a previous engagement when I cared more about the wedding less about the man (and fuck it, it still fit! Why shop again?) and the bouquet was thrown together the day before the wedding with a wing…

For real. My barbies were humping like rabbits

oh me too, I have my west village brownstone planned out...

I think it also really depends on the environment you give the child to play with the dolls in. As a kid my best friend had the doll house and all the paraphernalia so the script was pretty set. I had some barbies as well, but usually I was seeing if I could make them clothes out of toilet paper, what they could do…

hopefully you're not like my MIL who drinks diet coke INSTEAD of water. Literally, no water.

Sure, a lot of the wedding industry is insane, but isn't everything? I mean, you don't see this person going after the millions of people who are obsessed with home renovations and decorating, even though they are still renting a studio apt.

Never underestimate the power of horny teenagers!

LOL, well we were both rail thin, but insanely tall. I'm 5'10.5" and he was 6'5"ish. I honestly don't know how it worked. Pretty sure it was sheer force of will.

Yes! I felt it absolutely applied to this as well. It's too good to not have seen.

Oh no, definitely not. I threw that thing and bolted. The police do not have my DNA.

I have to admit, it does have everything. Sex, religion, accidental urination, a mom mental breakdown, and two destroyed chairs.

If someone found it I'm sure they thought it was part of a crime scene.

Pretty sure I later snuck the said folding chair out of the house, into my car, and dumped it in the desert. Had to destroy the evidence.