I have never been arrested. But when that day comes, I too will be naked. This, I promise.

He can read just fine. Unfortunately, only in Cyrillic. 

Man. Santa is fucked up. I wonder if he’ll react the same way when Rudolph is snatched by a harpy eagle.

Bill Maher is frustrating. He’s one of those guys who is almost really smart, but isn’t because he’s not aware or interested in his own shortcomings.

Make America Smart Again.

That drink being:

This idiot also denies the existence of ADW (Anthropogenic disk warming).

Yeah. Not exactly monstrous.

I think it was implied that it was a botched abortion.

This was an odd show. For much of it I was kind of disinterested and annoyed.  But the last few episodes made me really happy I stuck with it.

I’m hoping the show goes on forever, and each season we get a new twist on Popedome. Fat Pope. Lady Pope. Lactose Intolerant Pope. Weird Al Pope...

Ugh. Do we really need more Tom Brady posts?

I had high hopes for this show when he mind controlled the kangaroo that this would turn into The Beastmaster for a modern age we’ve all been pining for. Oh well. Maybe in season two. Except the goddamn kangaroo’s dead.

I know! “The Joker” is stupid. Especially when “Jock Itch” is more appropriate and right there for the taking. If this catches on like I think it will, I can’t wait for an opposing player to block his shot and then yell “Tough Actin’ Tinactin” or “Lamisil!”.

Are we even sure that’s a person in a suit? It seems awfully realistic to me. I mean, look at those pecs and abs on the torso flap.

The old “I thought you were my ride” come-on. Although, you really should be getting in the front seat. That way you can double up with the old “stopping short” maneuver.

4 Penn Entrance, Ticket Taker 2:

Now that Prince Fielder has his own cooking show, will we finally get an answer as to how a vegan can be that large?