It will take a lot more than these guys to get me off the voice called “Boy Band”. It is magical. Try it. You won’t regret it.

That’s where the shaving comes in. You have to be very thorough down there if you want to get that shiny, ball luster that’s all the rage.

I think it’s a shark being accosted by a very large remora.

That’s the kind of treatment you should expect when you don’t pay the hooker.

They’re like someone said, “You know what this pancake batter could use? A cup of dirt.” They should change the name from “buckwheat pancakes” to “the earthworm experience”.

Somebody once tricked me into trying his grandma’s recipe, but I’m not falling that old ploye again.

I think a more dramatic headline would have been Will the guy on the bike notice the rope in time?

Woo hoo! We’re going to see the Dead!

I made a Mustang joke, and one did appear and charge after me, but at the last second it swerved and ran over the neighbor kid. So you should be safe.

No, you devil worshipper! I bet you like buckwheat pancakes too.

Even worse is the fact that he used rye bread.

I think his best work was when he went as Julius Caesar on the Ides of March. That took commitment.

I only trust Earl Weaver Baseball simulations. It even had a little manager come out and argue with the umpire on close plays. I remember marveling at how realistic the graphics were in 1987.

I used to like Griffin before he soled out.

Woops. I was beaten to the punch.

And now, I present to you a teaser from my new documentary The Inner Turmoil of Brooks Marlow.

R.I.P. dude. Let’s now think of happier times in your career.

These things happen. It’s called being a die hard fan. And in the case of little Johnny Flemkins, it’s called being a die hard fan come hell or high water.

I think that red striped blanket lady is wearing her “I can’t believe my wasteyute hoser boyfriend is gonna get me thrown out of here” face.

Yeah, these league doctors are a joke! When I was with the Chargers, I went to see Dr. David Chao for a case of pink eye. I thought it was weird that they were giving me general anesthesia, but I thought, hey, California. When I woke up I found out he had amputated my right leg, realized his mistake, and reattached…