If you’re an atheist where nobody really gives a fuck, then I would agree. But that’s not how the real world works. I was a closeted atheist in a religious community who’s school system had replaced their illegal morning prayer with a moment of silent meditation. The reality was that you better damn well look like…

Imagine how many lives could have been saved if mattresses had been piled up around the twin towers on 9/11. WHERE WERE THESE PEOPLE THEN!

The shots of the car just show how unnecessary that whole Blackbird thing is.

Caillou is terrible, but my brain can mostly tune it out when it’s on. The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is psychological torture.

I wan’t him to go with the terrible Mickey Mouse Clubhouse theme song. And before he puts a submission move on someone he should yell to no one in particular “Oh Toodles!” That way I will have finally gotten some ounce of pleasure out of the show who’s cable description reads “Like Dora, but way shitier”.

I read The Great Singapore Penis Panic like everyone else.

I know. And when they showed the first black person in the video, and then you hear a black person singing in the background. Blew. Me. Away.

Great squiggly miggly.

Oh yes, I do. My sisters wedding: Hot hot hot!

That’s what Wikipedia says, and they’re never wrong about anything.

It’s better than you can imagine. Written by John Tesh, and recorded in 2004.

Any excuse to post this is a good thing.

Adorable Pokemon? Yes. Sexy? I guess, if that’s your thing.

That’s why I only park my boat in a garage.

Just a padawan? I think this gif might be more accurate.

If I were on a phone call and heard someone on the other side flush, I think I’d throw my own phone down. I’m no doctor, but I’m pretty sure I read somewhere that toilet cooties can be transmitted through cell phones.

It looks like Alf or Jar Jar Binks in a storm trooper helmet.

I got off on the same “only on replay” technicality. And as I walked out of the courthouse a free man I yelled, “no take backs”, so legally, I’m in the clear.

Well, considering it was two nights ago that some dumbfuck accused me stealing a joke, I’m pretty sure I had let it go.

I remember getting a physical in the eight grade sporting a Scientific American boner. How embarrassing.