I remember driving with my late father the first time he saw an Aztec:

People are waiting to get a drivers license! Why would you put off the sweet taste of freedom.

I swear to god, I can’t even go outside without some young millennial man running up to me and asking me to open a jar for him. I spend all day opening jars. Jesus, get off me! I’m trying to rent an auger!

But only slightly off to the side! You wouldn’t want it to interfere with that manly crop of chest hair.

Wait a second. Why was there a cut just before they jumped in the pool? Did they sacrifice a goat to the balance beam gods or something? Not that I would be against that, just curious.

Based on what he said, it seems he may have actually liked the questions. It’s just the sheer amount of questions these question askers keep throwing at him that have left him in need if his fainting couch.

I was rooting for Allyson Felix, but was very happy for Miller. I love seeing someone give it their all and succeed. There’s no controversy.

I’m late to this, but for number 1, were you thinking about this?

Autopilot light failure.

This is why you teach your kids about the existence of bad language before you send them off to school for the first time. I must have gotten in trouble 5 times for innocently repeating bad words that I’d just heard other kids on the playground say.

The Explorer looks like one of those insurance scammers who runs in front of a car, then takes a fake tumble after intentionally getting grazed.

It’s not like when we were kids. There are these crazy laws now that say I can’t let my kids ride in the hatch/trunk/back window sill/roof hammock/sack tied to a trailer hitch.

They’ll make it, except it will just be the first racing video game you can play while you drive.

Yes, and that’s why I left her an upper decker. And when I’m done serving my 35 year sentence for criminal mischief, I’m going to do it again.

No! Don’t imagine this scene played by Admiral Adama! If you don’t imagine the scene as played by Admiral Adama wearing a top hat and monocle speaking in a bad hoity toity British accent, then I’ve failed.

This was a while back, and the wheat free options generally available now are way better than they were even ten years ago now that everyone thinks they can’t eat gluten. That being said, tapioca bread is a thing that exists. I have tried some that are merely bad, but that’s about peak deliciousness for tapioca bread.…

Country switching is pretty common, and the US would do it more if it were smaller. Think how quickly Freddy Adu became the future of American soccer before he became the present of mediocre soccer.

That’s why this was the greatest Olympics ever. Except for when that awful Mary Decker cost me a Big Mac.

I came back to my dorm room and burst through a poorly constructed barricade (our doors didn’t have locks) to find my roomate in flagrante with some guy. I held up my hand, and said “you’ve got five minutes” and walked out. I heard them laughing, and they finished up.