I’m kinda jealous about his beard though. I’ve got patchy cheeks.

Never attribute to malice what can be explained by stupidity (or in this case carelessness). It sounds like the neighbor is curbing his dog, bagging it and putting it in a nearby trash can. That is to say, he seems to be doing what’s expected of a decent neighbor and responsible dog owner and may simply not realize…

All this time my wildcat vanilla bean harvest operation has been using jaguars instead of panthers. No wonder I haven’t cornered the market yet. God damn it!

No fountain pens? Since the ink flows to the paper through capillary action you don’t need to apply any pressure, you just need to make contact with the paper. I also feel they are faster than ball points.

Yeah, in a week or two they’ll settle down and move on to that week’s big issue. That’ll be about the time to remind them about how Trump betrayed them on DACA. You know, just to stir up the pot a little bit and get them biting again. It’ll also be helpful to mention how Trump is dealing with the Dems on raising the…

His fans have the attention span of a bunch of gnats. They’ll completely forget about DACA in two weeks... unless, of course, people occasionally remind them about it from time to time.

Ah yes.. I remember growing up with Stephen “Street fighter” Bannon. He lived down the block. Truly a remarkable young man. A “very fine person” if you know what I mean. Did you know he served as a junior officer on a Navy ship for a time? That experience has clearly made him one of the great military strategists in…

Let’s not jump to conclusions here. There are some very fine people on both sides of this thing. This Mr. Kjellberg and this Mr. PewDiePie, I’m sure, are both very fine young men. I think the gaming press is treating them both absolutely unfairly. If they were streaming Civilization and you objected to George…

Meh. Let’s see the picture of Kirk vs. ALF. Now that would be a battle for the ages.

This is disgusting and disheartening. I feel so badly for that poor man. Were the police to treat my father like that... I don’t know what I’d do.

Here’s the version from Harper’s... sans the bake-off competition. The longer, unedited-for-length version is in the essay collection A Supposedly Fun Thing I’ll Never Do Again.

I started reading Harper’s about 25 years ago and would buy issues at newstands before finally getting a subscription. I’d have newstand workers occasionally look at me wondering why I would want to read that... but “sure, guy. Whatever.”

Tom Cruise thought that “babyness” was damn sexy... not creepy at all.

Very true... make “Election Day” the deadline to collect votes.

The Electoral College is written into the Constitution, so getting rid of it would require an amendment and that is a high bar to reach. The state plan requires a far smaller number of states to agree. I can’t imagine the colossal shit that the losing party would throw if that plan is ever enacted and tips an election…

All the state’s electors vote for the candidate who won the popular vote. There is no reason to split percentages or do any complicated math. Each state is allowed to apportion its electors as it sees fit, so there. About 10 states have already signed on to this plan. Here’s more info.

The Evian Water Corporation.

Place your bets! Place your bets!

I hope you simply forgot the /s

1) Change Election Day to a Saturday or a Sunday or make it a paid holiday (hah.. right)