Think about it. There’s a second part to that letter (next week’s Funbag) that is ABSOLUTELY a poop story.

Do you think you would be able to bowl a 300 with bumpers?

They’re the kind of people who think solar panels degrade the sun

I would say I have an addiction to the internet, but it’s not like I’m on Deadspin in the middle of the work day reading and commenting on stupid shit while missing pretty important deadlines.

How much sushi do you have to start with to have any leftovers, let alone a dozen pieces? I’m not ordinarily a big eater, but gimme a plate of nigiri and I turn into Joey Chestnut.

Candy.

Putting clothespins on power cords to save money by keeping electricity from escaping as waste is one of the stupidest fucking things I’ve ever heard. If people who believe this have kids that go to your kid’s school, you need to find your kid a new school.

I gave up Twitter about six months ago and it was the most liberating thing I’ve done in years.  Fuck that garbage heap.  It messed with your mind to a degree I feel like we’re just starting to comprehend as a society.  

How dare you opt for a non poop-related Email of the Week, especially when we are THIS close to the regular season. Testosterone levels are high. Give us our shit story!

I think Trump, like me, soured on Penthouse back when they started showing ladies peeing in the photos.

Next time go with Farsi instead of Arabic.

He’s the dude that shows up two hours early to the Sheriff’s Golf Scramble.

I love this guy! He’s 5'11 240lbs. He was 3rd team all-city at LB in 1995, and he’s JAAAACKKKKED about the Sunny Meadows Charter School Send The Patrols To D.C. 5k Fun-Run/Walk*. And he gets dusted by Mildred, Florence, Gertrude, and Blanche who are running for breast cancer awareness and The Daughters of The American…

Mike Vrabel looks like the kind of guy who slaps himself in the face to get psyched up for a Fun Run. 

That position has already been filled by Rex Ryan.

With Vrabel being the manager for the footwear department.

Why do so many people still have a hard-on for Josh McDaniels? He should be the weekend manager of a Kohl’s department store by now.

The Titans would be 100% more enjoyable if everyone just referred to them as “The Tits”

Their Marvel shows are the worst victim of this. They manage to build up enough momentum to get to around episode 10, but then there are still two to three episodes left.

Is he serious about “the algorithm”? Because Netlfix productions have the worst pacing of any big content producer I’ve ever seen. The episodes are too long and there are too many of them, everytime.