If what he's drinking/smoking isn't giving him a competitive advantage, then why in the blue fuck is the NFL so concerned?

That play call was the equivalent of Mr. Burns telling Strawberry to bunt.

He should be decapitated, and his head paraded through town on a pike. His body should be left for crows to feast upon, then burned. The spot where this sacrilege occurred should be salted so that nothing may grow, and any who ever speak his name should be silenced. May he rot in the deepest reaches of hell. This is…

"Enjoy Bob Saget!"

and you're a petulant child who gets paid $37,000 a year to do something other than complain about marshawn lynch, yet here you are.

Isn't this essentially what got the Saints into trouble? I mean, the main difference basically seems to be that Bountygate was more... spreadsheet-y, and specifically that there was financial compensation (and that the edict came from a coach and not a player), but at its core, is this not the exact same…

Bet they put a bounty on that third wife.

So what's the value in forcing him on stage to mumble "both teams played hard" for 15 minutes? How does that improve the fan experience?

I thought that was an Albany thing.

Alternate Take:

Guys are really bad at not weirding out women.

Step one: whip it out

Three men in their 20s and an older man are sitting near each other on a train. None of them know each other; they are engaged in casual, polite conversation.

I harp on this but people who are like "Family is the most important thing" really either have the best family or are suffering from Stockholm Syndrome.

No way, chicken parm really does taste that good.

What happened and is happening in France is a tragedy. Specifically with regard to the first attack on Charlie Hebdo's HQ, 12 were murdered for speech or the defense of it, actions that can never justify or rationalize a violent response.

Gronk's boyhood dream was to eat the World's Biggest Hoagie, and he did it at the county fair last summer. Remember?

Brady Hoke did the same thing. But it was his own arm. And raspberry jam.

na, gonna continue shining

Counterpoint.

How about they actually ask him real questions that he might want to answer? Who cares if they're about football or not? If a reporter was able to write a column that is "all about Marshawn Lynch" as opposed to the standard "Can you tell us about how you played tonight" bullshit, I would actually read it. Some…