7th grade. I was in our county newspaper’s bee, so the winner would have gone to Scripps. Lost in the second round on nonchalant (pretty sure I threw an s in there instead of a c). Frankly, though, I was relieved to not have been the first person out and also to be done with it. Our local bee made it to public access…

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. I lost my father to lung cancer, so I understand where you're coming from. For what it's worth, though, the parent-child relationship will eventually even out. I don't know that I would say that my relationship with my mother has necessarily reverted back to the standard…

If it's your mom who's dying, you'll feel anxiety and grief over that, but you'll have to act as a kind of parent and friend to your healthy father.

He looks like a ginger Ralph Wiggum.

The first time I met my now-fiance's parents, his dad goes on to tell me about the book he planned on writing about Freemasons, their secret underground world below the White House and State Department, and other random conspiracy theories he has about them. (This was also at Thanksgiving, so I definitely couldn't…

With the hippin' and the hoppin' and the bippin' and the boppin'. You see, they don't know what the jazz is all about!

God, I wish I were having lobster stuffed with tacos for dinner tonight.

Class of '09 here. We are indeed the worst. Although I'm not from New Jersey or any points north and I grew up pretty damn poor, I chose GW, so I deserve that douche moniker myself.

Looks like he started applying lip liner, then halfway through said "fuck it."