For Tucker:

Let’s just come out and say it: we all know why the box was covered in short hairs. The previous owner was not using this on eggs.

I’m a huge family recipe thief, and one of my favorites is an ex’s grandma’s Passover brisket recipe, which heavily features Heinz chili sauce.

The lack of Lingham’s sauce here is a disgrace. 

Reminds me of when, for some reason, Rush Limbaugh went on Letterman’s late night show and talked shit about how Hillary Clinton was letting herself go. Letterman roasted him with something like “Oh yes, Rush, because you’re such a paragon of physical form.”

Exactly! It’s like gifting someone a puppy. “Hey, were you looking for something that needs constant attention or else it dies? Well then I have the perfect gift for you!”

“This smells like the bathroom in every major league ballpark, in a good way.”

Hell yes to the cooking times. “Caramelize onions, about 10 minutes.” Motherfucker, I could enrich uranium faster than it takes to caramelize onions.

A friend gave me sourdough starter as a birthday present a few years ago. It died pretty much immediately. 

This was actually a joke on IT Crowd

I agree that painting entire states with broad brushes is lazy and unproductive, definitely. But when you get down to the individual level: “Even in jest, this kind of humor only lands when you’ve already decided that some American lives are worth more than others...” I know it’s bad, but when somebody has decided…

Marnie has the order here closest to my own - I usually try to add in a Doritos Locos, but otherwise that’s my go-to. She wins.

I had my first Filt O’ Fish about a week ago. I was basically expecting the fish stick nature of it, and was still unimpressed. I kept getting little bits of something that sort of felt like tiny bits of bone that had been left in and got ground up?

I’m intrigued by the sour cream, I’m giving this a try.

I can maaaaaaybe see some context where it would work. But paired with cream cheese frosting, mozzarella, yogurt, and condensed milk? Even without the Loops that combination isn’t doing much for me. Also, however this is, my bet is that it would be better with Fruity Pebbles instead, come on guys.

Exactly what I was thinking (I’m not Canadian, but have spent most of my life in Maine and the Upper Midwest, America’s poutine capitals). I’m guessing there must not be a lot of demand for poutine in LA or something? The curds were sad, and that gravy looked congealed and nasty.

So 70% want him to run, but only 55% would vote for him if he did. Does that 15% just want him to be in a spot to be veep?

I went through a period where I’d eat a tortilla wrap filled only with sour cream and cheddar cheese for lunch most days. I think my parents only allowed it because 1) I hated drinking milk, so they were desperate to get calcium into me in any way possible and 2) this was right after a phase where I’d trade my entire h…

I like how nobody even batted an eye at the principal of a school being the head of the cheerleading squad.

There are definitely diminishing marginal returns on steak, possibly because people looking to splurge often go for a filet, which has its plus sides, but a good sirloin or flank is much cheaper and has more flavor. But then you don’t get the “I’m wealthy” social signaling you get with ordering a Wagyu tenderloin or…