Something about this doesn’t add up; Peterson’s always been more of a camel guy.

...the guy that painted those tomato cans...

I’m pretty sure he died of cancer. There was a whole movie about it- Ryan’s Vogelsong.

“Blumenthal’s a liar/Huma’s ISIS-lite/All Trey Gowdy’s friends are here on Monday night!”

“First he donates $250,000 to Irma recovery, then he keeps people informed about the storm. Tom Donkin is a real hero!”

Oddly enough, Finesse is what the center rubbed on the ball before the snap.

Just like that old saying: Report sexual assault of a minor by my subordinate to me once- shame on you. Report sexual assault of a minor by my subordinate to me twice- we’ll never speak of it again and then I’ll die before the truth comes out.

Good to see Kareem Hunt leading the league in something other than spoonerisms.

No matter the weather, I think we can all agree that a Bucs-Dolphins game won’t be moving.

In other news, the Denver Zoo announced it has rescued a giraffe from a network of endangered animal traffickers based in Cleveland.

If you’re a man who can stand upright without anything hurting

Quick! Someone find and stop Barbara Hershey before it’s too late!

Vontaze seems to have understood the word “eliminate” in a more existential sense than the competition committee likely intended.

Phew, just in time for WYTS.

Banister was able to soothe the injured bird by speaking to it in its native pidgin.

How did he manage to even get up and get into his car with that cocktail in his bloodstream?

“Tell me about it.”

I think we can all agree cumin is the best spice. My question is: how should I be pronouncing it? Kyu-min or coo-min?

“Thank God he didn’t shoot.”

Best fangs in baseball