The game, hosted by a celebrity fitness website, raised money for veterans’ mental health.

At least Petr C.’s parents were responsible and made sure he wears a helmet when he plays contact sports.

“’Mrs. DeVos is no longer affiliated with American Federation for Children, nor does she have to pay anyone to support her,’ [said] McNelly, the DeVos aide.”

Isn’t it horrifying that we as a country spend massive amounts of money to simultaneously become gluttonous receptacles for spoonfed corporate mind-warping interspersed with human beings mauling one another for our entertainment?

Not to worry, they were going to be fired anyway and replaced by LaborBot 3000s, the latest model automated bureaucrats. Now complete with a rubber stamp appendage and limited customer service software.

Trump had thought about telling this story about him and his dad, but decided to make it more believable.

Next Seth is going to hack into Carlisle’s email to keep him from becoming the team’s president.

I like to think Travis was doing an interpretive dance inspired by London Bridge.

Eh I wouldn’t mind some extra vetting at this airport in particular. I hear it has lax security.

Fire up that victory vape, skipper!

I can only imagine how many owners will be hoping to pick him up in April at the auction draft.

VORP also happens to be the name of the designer drug Phil crushed and snorted before watching film on Rivers.

Repair of such a serious injury may require enesthesia.

Tomorrow Trump will retaliate by signing an executive order defunding NASA.

“Langer? I hardly know her! So it should be fine.”

“That’s the eighth division of English soccer and it’s mostly made up.”

Ooh what if Putin finds and opens the Ark of the Covenant?

You know what it takes to make an offer like that?

Have you tried doing it underhanded?

I think I speak for all Jews when I say that you’re not anti-Semitic disliking matzah. We only eat it during Passover as a reminder of slavery and wandering in the desert. It is literally called “The Bread of Affiction.” It is intentionally bad. I am baffled by people who enjoy eating it.