Thanks for killing Valentine's Day.

I did it for The Meow.

Amy Winehouse level unlocked.

My Tamagotchis starved to death when I was prevented from breast-feeding them in public.

I am trying to warm myself in your blanket statements but have found they left me cold.

my first thought after I read ther entire thing: why the fuck did I just read the entire thing?

Proud Parent with Pole in Pooper Pleads for Distracted Driving Prevention.

But did he donate?

Charlie and the Glass Elevator is a whole lot of weird.

I found someone with hearts on her shoes and my day is still shitty. What now, Brit?

What?

Now?

Last word.

Sorry. What's that? I can't hear your negativity over the sound of my zen from kayaking. Can you try to snark a little louder?

Counter-point: summer was great. We bought kayaks and didn't watch the news.

An Uzi? Is this 1983? Are we teaching kids how to shoot Tommy Guns now too?

I will support whatever cause gets me the most hits/likes/stars.

Sorry, IBS got pizza this year.

Most of my friends are black . . . on Facebook.

Ugh . . . excuse me? There is a hare in my Snake Soup.

"Nick, what first attracted you to me?"

"It was your beautiful smile, Shania."