No, the eagles all have one head.

you should have focused your efforts on patenting the mind ray extraction device first, then you wouldn’t be in this boat.

SIDEBAR: When the fuck did it become fashionable to proudly cop to not having the patience to fucking read?

I totally agree.

I hate to be the one to tell you this Justin, but you have ran afoul of the Tweet Police.

Obligatory: OK, BOOMER.

The operation was a success but the patient died. 

1st gear: I hope when the eventual film of this is made, they get Rowan Atkinson to play Ghosn.

You had me at “Quadrasteer Burb” 

Bloomberg is what Republicans used to be. That rich guy you don’t really like, but you know he’ll get shit done, balance the budget and keep the trains running on time.

Come to think of it, billionaires can’t buy Bloomberg either.

It was on fire? 

“Corporations are people too.”

We’d like to promptly announce we are pulling all operations out of Washington state. - BMW.

It looks nothing like that.

lol fuck

Trains would make a lot of sense if America had better trains 

2nd Gear: Good thing Sergio “died” last year

Someone did a head to head comparison test between a kitten, a puppy, a baby, and a new video card. The baby came in dead last.