Ever notice how they raise a huge fuss about boiling lobsters alive, but you never hear people complain about crawfish? I think laziness might outweigh principles here.

A: “You can’t boil a lobster alive! That’s cruel! You have to kill it first!”
B: “You know what? You’re right. Here are 2000 tiny lobsters. Get…

It’s a thing people ask for to get a fresh batch made just for them. Then, they add salt to their unsalted fries.

Last time I said we need to find a way to stop a nut with a gun—and that’s all I said—I get an email saying, “I’m saving my last bullet to put it right between your eyes.” Just another responsible gun owner in America.

Service animals and emotional support animals are not the same.

This reply synergizes well with the article. I really like how you drilled-down into the list.

I’m not sure how, but I bet the Patriots were involved in this somehow.

Hmmm, and yet Ed Hochuli brazenly displays his guns with no recourse.

Let’s just breakdown what we’re working with here.

Yeah, the 85 percent of the country that has no idea what Roy Rogers is or where they’re located.

Cool story, I bet you walked to school uphill both ways too.

Not sure which is better...the reactions of the Bills fans or the sweet “Mexico is the Shit” jacket

Shut up, nerd. I’m going to get blacked out and start 2018 off how I came into the world. Emerging from a black void, crying, confused, hungry and looking for a titty to suck to make me feel better.

Split the difference, adopt the Penix as a mascot:

I love you, but I do not want to constantly hear you vent about how hard it is to be a parent. You decided to bring another human being into the world, one that would rely on you 100% for everything for the first years of its life. Did you think it was going to be easy? or cheap?

I dry off a little in the tub, then I dry each foot before stepping out and let the bath mat do the rest. I have a fluffy bath mat that doesn’t get soggy easily, and I launder the mats maybe every six weeks. We are barefoot in the house, so no shoes in the bathroom either.

(when you’re out on the town and the edibles hit)

Not a single car, but a whole brand.

Racism? At an Indians game?

cafe con leche

They literally have beach police who will come around who will stop you if your hole gets to any decent size and they will fill in your hole.