Might as well start a conspiracy theory...

I haven’t read either essay, nor do I plan on it, but being too full to fuck is a thing, and I have definitely asked myself many times if dessert is worth missing out on sex.

I’ve put this into the void before, but I feel compelled to do it again: I do not know why Knives Out is so beloved.

Related: I ordered Chipotle online before leaving work yesterday, and when I got to the store for pick-up, the doors were locked and there were a couple of people outside. A stranger explained that somebody comes out every so often to check for online orders. I understand and wait over by the side.

The sad thing she did mention that the only folks who had anything to fear from it were people like her, so she is at least on a basic level aware of that fact. She just doesn’t care.

I saw my mom last week for the first time in about nine months. The visit started pleasant, but when I referenced that I would visit her more often once the plague dies down, she went on an anti-COVID rant. “You know, Dwight, only fatal for .o125 percent [or whatever figure she pulled out of Fox News].”

Dairy Queen’s one positive trait is their blizzards. It’s odd to see it as a state’s favorite fast food place.

I’m with you, personally, but when I am presenting the cheesecake to a group, it feels like a nice flex to unveil a “perfectly” cooked cheesecake.

A few days? Oh, you have not met my lack of self-control.

Where some are screaming “cancel culture,” I am seeing accountability.

Signature Thoughts:

I hope she slips on a banana peel like the clown she is.

Ken McElroy was a “town bully” in a small Missouri city who was accused of multiple felonies and indicted 21 times, but managed to escape conviction each time.

I could not have asked for a better mental breakdown from Alton Brown.

I am SO close with going with Lillian (apple fritters were my top choice and it wasn’t close), but I cannot endorse any Jolly Ranchers. Those might be my least favorite candies.

Alton Brown’s The Chewy recipe is my go-to cookie recipe (it’s a chocolate chip cookie). The melting of the butter and beating it with the sugar mixture (predominantly brown sugar) creates such a beautiful caramel-y flavor.

Signature Thoughts:

OK, say we’re creating a 3-piece human centipede with Gaetz, Paul, and Graham. Who goes where?

“...he must show not only that a reasonable person would find the workplace hostile or abusive as a result of Colbert’s slur, but also that he himself perceived it that way.”

In a world that’s wall-to-wall shit, this story made me smile a bit.