Roger Goodell: [reads Prince Shembo news]
Roger Goodell: [looks wanly toward corner of his office]
Roger Goodell: [looks back to desk]
Roger Goodell: [furrows brow]
Roger Goodell: [sits contemplatively, unsure of punishment]
Roger Goodell: [begins feeling stressed out]
Roger Goodell: [stands up, walks to corner of his…

Can’t believe Tabitha Soren, Kurt Loder, Matt Pinfield, and Jesse Camp all said no.

That statement sounds nice, but their motives here are fairly...ah, shit, what's the word?

FIFA is ordering out for lunch today.

My wife used to work in merchandising for a grocery store chain, so she was always coming home with samples of new products. One time I made meatloaf with a bottle of bright purple ketchup that was supposed to be more appealing to kids. I don’t know how appealing it was, but it made meatloaf look exactly like brain…

I had a similarly disastrous date. The girl I was dating said her favorite food was meatloaf, so I thought I would impress her by making her some meatloaf. I used a recipe that required Oats. I thought it would be a good idea to use Maple and Brown Sugar Instant Oats. It was not a good idea. For the record though, she…

The fans asked Howard to join in the game of catch, but he declined. When asked to elaborate on why he wouldn’t join in the fun, Howard explained that he makes a point of not making free throws.

Number Of Days Since Someone At ESPN Said Something Abso-Fucking-Lutely Insanely Stupid: 67 0.

As a kid I was taught it was polite to eat everything your host puts in front of you. On a family trip to Boston when I was nine, I think, we went to a nice restaurant. The kind of place with great service. I drank a glass of water, and somebody was immediately there to refill it. I dutifully drained it. And it was…

When making egg salad once, I realized after I had already boiled the eggs that I was out of mayo. I elected to try using Caesar dressing instead.

My little sister was five years old when she accompanied my grandmother to one of her art shows. About halfway through, little sis walked up to grandma and says, “Mamaw, this lemonade is gross.” It was what was left of her second glass of champagne.

As a resident of St. Louis, I feel confident saying that Sam probably dodged a bullet.

This really should have been the Patriots’ punishment.

I disagree. This shows car control, that the operator is aware as to the size of the car, placement, and how to safely reverse the car.

You absolutely need to worry about extended contact with our staph.

[Eyes gaze from Pittsburgh to central PA]

“None of these approaches resonated with the Samueli’s vision for a classic but sophisticated update with a color scheme that showed competitive toughness and a tie to Orange County

When is he gonna get the call to the bigs?

Honestly, before I scrolled down, I thought it was because the bird is in blackface.