Its cool that they let him personalize his plane.

“There are few things more frustrating than not being able to go to sleep.”

Please keep your clothes on.

“At one point I thought I would liven things up by riding one of the cartoonishly large inflatable swans, and I did for a total of 30 seconds before hotel security told me to get out of the pool and escorted me away.”

When are we going to start using tanks again?

Bastian Schweinsteiger commented, “Im so mad I could cram all of you subhumans into an oven and.......I mean settle this peacefully in a court of law.”

I figured as much from his signature move “The Tip Toucher”.

Im sure it wasnt difficult considering her, ahem, features.

I rescued this little guy at work. Found him on the loading dock.

You sound dumb.

Victims side of the story: “I drank 27 Keystone Lights and I’m an asshole”

Man their stock is on fire.

Nah I liked St Vincent.

Still more fun.

What accent?

I make my own shit man.

So you didnt like it?

One for you, one for her, dude.

Anyone who doesnt have MIA 2 on blu-ray by now isnt fit to be President.

As usual the nomination will go to the most polished turd.