That remind me of that guy who built a car in his kitchen but the door was too small to exit...

No, I hear him through the fake tooth that the government implanted in my skull to receive the UFO transmissions.

I ran this article through a PayPal filter, nothing happened but now for some reason I really feel the need to go eat some Chipotle.

Satan is a buzzkill. Every time he talks to me, it’s something like “Take out the frickin’ garbage, already!” or “If you don’t mow the lawn this weekend it’ll just be twice as tall and twice as hard next weekend!”.

“Thats fuckin’ skank weed, man.”

super-relaxed evening

I found that if you rub Bitcoins on your Laser Discs you can hear messages from Satan.

I really hate these photo shoots where rich toned celebrity in out-of-place outfit poses ridiculously while the “normals” look on in consternation and/or horror.

“.....darkly enjoyable.”

We’re all, on some level, totally awful and just a multimillion-dollar house and a beautiful blue coat away from accidentally blowing up our lives on a whim like Frances.

...

Cheddar Biscuits all day!!

“Mmmmm......Still kinda looks like fun. $7,000.”

According to sources the thieves had originally intended a kidnapping but feared the emotional toll associated with prolonged exposure to a Kardashian.

Is that like “my display of vintage scooters”, or “fifty boxes of Vespa parts in various states of disassembly”?

I don’t know. As far as I’m concerned, there’s only one person that can play Jackie Jormp-Jomp...

To throw out some ‘locker room talk’ young Hilary was a babe. I’d rate her one of the the hottest First Ladies just behind Jackie Kennedy and Michelle Obama.

Today, my camp issued the following statement:

They let this sex criminal in a high school?