Perhaps. Maybe the chain tensioner job has already been done, too. But maybe I should just get a GTI instead.

Soooo tempting, yes. There's a silver B6 S4 Avant 6MT for sale in my neck of the woods for... wait for it... EIGHT GRAND. That's right, just $8,000. I was seriously considering picking it up when this article popped up, as if DeMuro were some sort of automotive angel on my shoulder shouting, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

You what's cool? The "base" GTI comes with heated plaid seats. That's rad.

But that interior... Like driving the fastest humidor in the universe.

Oh god yes. Just yes. Much yes.

Oh man. So good. SO GOOD. And I fell for it right up till the end.

Just wait a year for it to depreciate $10k and you're all good.

I would say, "Just wrench on it yourself!" But then I saw that engine bay. Jesus H. Christ. I thought the bay in my A4 was cramped...

Dang man, I've owned and wrenched on an NA Miata and I only got 66%. Shit.

It is very, very pretty. Like, achingly pretty.

I was with a younger salesman who encouraged some hoonage. I donno, it may have needed some work because it wasn't nearly as quick as I though it would be (bad turbo?). And the steering felt heavy and numb. But I had just got out of an ultra-responsive Mazda Protege 5 and MINI Cooper S, so I may have been jaded.

I saw one here in Bend, OR in a parking lot. People couldn't figure out why I was drooling and taking pictures with my phone.

I drove one once. It wasn't that great, actually. Nice, but kinda ho-hum.

I've learned that the first rule of Quattro Club is keep your foot in it. Let the system sort things out. Lift off and you'll oversteer.

Aww, c'mon. Working on Audis is good for you. Especially in that insanely cramped nest of tangled turbo piping under the hood. Oh, and pneumatic suspension. That's fun.

Allroad with a manual.

Naw, actually it's been pretty reliable. It's 12 years old and never fails to start and drive. Just little leaks here and there due to old rubber hoses cracking and whatnot. Random CELs due to emissions stuff. Nothing bad at all. I've just spent time/money fixing little niggling things about it—interior parts…

Oh, you said NEW. That's crazy. You can get a B8 A4 for $20k. Or a 2010 GTI with snow tires.

Snow tires help tremendously when it comes to stopping distance. With all-seasons on my A4 I can get through pretty much anything, but stopping on snow/ice is scary. With snow tires I have much better braking. Snow tires are also softer, which will help with ride quality when the snow/ice on the roads gets all bumpy…

You're damn right the Quattro on my old Audi is better... as soon as it gets out of the shop! ;)